Joey Tribbiani: It was amazing, and not just for her. For me too! It's like, all of a sudden I'm blind... but all my other senses are heightened. It's like I was able to appreciate it... on another level.
Chandler Bing: I didn't know you had another level.
Joey Tribbiani: I know. Neither did I!
Joey Tribbiani: Last night I couldn't do the thing that usually makes me great. So I had to do all this other stuff. And the response I got! Man, oh, man! It was like a ticker-tape parade!
Chandler Bing: I know. My room's very, very close to the parade route.
(Ross's gift for Rachel is expensive antique pin)
Phoebe Buffay: It's so pretty! This must've cost him a fortune.
Monica Geller: I can't believe he did this.
Chandler Bing: Remember back in college when he fell in love with Carol... and bought her that riddiculously expensive crystal duck?
Rachel Green: What did you just say?
Chandler Bing: Crystal duck.
Rachel Green: No, no, no. The "love" part? Oh, my God!
Chandler Bing: Oh, no, no, no.
Joey Tribbiani: That's good. Just keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back time.
Joey Tribbiani: According to the rules... I can't conduct personal experiments, if you know what I mean.
Monica Geller: Joey, we always know what you mean.
Ross Geller: When we talked, she said she'd already passed the mucous plug.
Joey Tribbiani: Do we have to know about that?
Monica Geller: What'll you do when you have a baby?
Joey Tribbiani: I'm gonna be in the waiting room, handing out cigars.
Chandler Bing: Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the '50s.
Joey Tribbiani: You know, there already is a Joseph Stalin.
Chandler Bing: You're kidding.
Joey Tribbiani: Apparently, he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people. You'd think you would've known that.
Chandler Bing: You'd think I would've. Hey, how about Joey Heatherton?
Joey Tribbiani: Come on, I told you I don't wanna go back to Joey. Phoebe. What do you think a good stage name for me would be?
Phoebe Buffay: Flame Boy.
Joey Tribbiani: My agent wants a more neutral name.
Chandler Bing: Joey Switzerland?
Joey Tribbiani: Plus, I think it should be Joe. Joey makes me sound like I'm this big: Which I'm not.
Chandler Bing: Joe, Joe, Joe... Stalin?
Joey Tribbiani: Stalin. Stalin... Do I know that name? That sounds familiar.
Chandler Bing: Well, it does not ring a bell with me.
Joey Tribbiani: Joe Stalin. You know, that's pretty good.
Chandler Bing: You might wanna try Joseph.
Joey Tribbiani: Joseph Stalin. I think you'd remember that.
Chandler Bing: Oh yes. Bye Bye Birdie, starring Joseph Stalin. Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof.
Hot girl: Do you know anything about fixing radiators?
Joey Tribbiani: Sure! Sure! Did you try turning the knob back the other way?
Hot girl: Of course!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh. Then, no.
Monica Geller: We've got salmon roulettes and crudites.
Joey Tribbiani: What are you doing? In poker, there's no food with more than one syllable. It's got to be like chips or dip or pretz...
Monica Geller: I hope you'll let it slide just this once. I was all out of "pretz."
Chandler Bing (on the phone with his boss): Hey, Mr. Costilick. How's life on the 15th floor? Yeah, I miss you too. It's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home. That's very generous. But this isn't about the money. I need something more than a job. I need something I really care ab... That's on top of the year-end bonus?
Ross and Joey: Dream! Your dream!
Chandler Bing: Look, Al, I'm not playing hardball here, okay? This is not a negotiation. This is a rejection! Stop saying numbers! I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy! You've got the wrong guy! I'll see you Monday!
Chandler Bing: How can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day?
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.
Chandler Bing: In my next life, I'm coming back as a toilet brush.