60+ Best 'Joey Tribbiani' Quotes from Friends (TV Series)

Ross Geller: All right. I’ve been feeling incredibly guilty because I wanna be a good friend. And damn it, I am a good friend. So shut up and close your eyes. (kisses Joey)
Joey Tribbiani: Wow. You are a good friend. The audition was this morning, and I didn’t get it. But that was a hell of a kiss. Rachel is a very lucky girl.

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Quote from Friends 2x24 | Ross Geller: All right. I've been feeling incredibly guilty because I wanna be a good friend. And damn it, I am a good friend. So shut up and close your eyes. (kisses Joey) Joey Tribbiani: Wow. You are a good friend. The audition was this morning, and I didn't get it. But that was a hell of a kiss. Rachel is a very lucky girl.

Joey Tribbiani: What’s going on?
Phoebe Buffay: We’re wondering if Chandler’s girlfriend is a girl.
Joey Tribbiani: Just ask her how long she’s gonna live. Women live longer than men.
Chandler Bing: How do you not fall down more?

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Monica Geller: I split my money and I bought some shares of CHP and ZXY.
Joey Tribbiani: How come those?
Monica Geller: Well, CHP because I used to have a crush on Erik Estrada. And ZXY because I think it sounds “zexy.”
Rachel Green: Ahem, what happened to MEG?
Monica Geller: MEG was good for me, but I dumped her. My motto is, “Get out before they go down.”
Joey Tribbiani: That is so not my motto.

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(Ross is showing Joey a book Rachel read…)
Joey Tribbiani: What is it?
Ross Geller: I don’t know. It’s got all this stuff about wind and trees… and there is some sacred pool in it. I don’t really get it. But she’s pretty upset about it.
Joey Tribbiani: See… This is why I don’t date women who read.

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Joey Tribbiani: Whose eggs do you like better, his or mine, huh?
Chandler Bing: Well, I like both eggs equally.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, come on! Nobody likes two kinds of eggs equally. You like one better, and I wanna know which.
Chandler Bing: What’s the difference? Your eggs aren’t here anymore. You took your eggs, and you left! Did you really expect me to never find new eggs?

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(The guys get new chairs…)
Joey Tribbiani: Is that the fire alarm?
Chandler Bing: Yeah. Oh, it’s not warm yet. We still have time.
Joey Tribbiani: Cool.

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Quote from Friends 2x15 | (The guys get new chairs...) Joey Tribbiani: Is that the fire alarm? Chandler Bing: Yeah. Oh, it's not warm yet. We still have time. Joey Tribbiani: Cool.

(The group watches old home videos…)
Joey Tribbiani: Some girl ate Monica!
Monica Geller: Shut up! The camera adds ten pounds.
Chandler Bing: So how many cameras are actually on you?

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Joey Tribbiani: I’m always gonna look back and wonder if it was because of my talent… or because of, you know, the little general.
Chandler Bing: Didn’t you used to call it the little major?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, but after Denise DeMarco, I had to promote it.

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Ross Geller: Anyone hear from Phoebe yet?
Rachel Green: No, nothing.
Monica Geller: I hope she’s okay.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I know exactly what she’s going through.
Monica Geller: How do you know what she’s going through?
Joey Tribbiani: She told us.

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(In the girls’ aparment…)
Phoebe Buffay: Let’s hear about the kiss. Was it like a soft brush against your lips… or was it like a, you know, “I gotta have you now” kind of thing?
Rachel Green: Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then… Oh, God. And then we just sort of sunk into it.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh… So, okay, was he holding you? Or were his hands on your back?
Rachel Green: No, actually, ahem, first they started out on my waist… and then they slid up and then they were in my hair.
Monica Geller: Oh.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh.
(In the boys’ apartment…)
Ross Geller: And, uh… And then I kissed her.
Joey Tribbiani: Tongue?
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Joey Tribbiani: Cool.

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Quote from Friends 2x08 | (In the girls' aparment...) Phoebe Buffay: Let's hear about the kiss. Was it like a soft brush against your lips... or was it like a, you know, "I gotta have you now" kind of thing? Rachel Green: Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then... Oh, God. And then we just sort of sunk into it. Phoebe Buffay: Oh... So, okay, was he holding you? Or were his hands on your back? Rachel Green: No, actually, ahem, first they started out on my waist... and then they slid up and then they were in my hair. Monica Geller: Oh. Phoebe Buffay: Oh. (In the boys' apartment...) Ross Geller: And, uh... And then I kissed her. Joey Tribbiani: Tongue? Ross Geller: Yeah. Joey Tribbiani: Cool.

Phoebe Buffay: I finally took your advice and asked him what was going on.
Joey Tribbiani: What did he say?
Phoebe Buffay: He said he understands how sex can be a very emotional thing for a woman. And he was just afraid that I was going to get all, you know: “Is he gonna call me the next day?” And “Where is this going?” and: (babbling bla bla….) So he said he wanted to hold off until he was prepared to be really serious.
Joey Tribbiani: Wow.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah. So I said, “Okay. Relax, please.” You know? I mean, sex can be just about two people right there in the moment. If he wants to see me again, he can call. If not, that’s fine too. So after a lot of talking, heh… I convinced him. Heh!
Joey Tribbiani: Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to sleep with him. He got you to say he never has to call you again. And he got you thinking this is a great idea?
Phoebe Buffay: Uh-huh.
Joey Tribbiani: This man is my god.

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Phoebe Buffay: I’m not sexy enough.
Joey Tribbiani: Heh, Phoebe, that’s crazy. When I first met you, you know what I said to Chandler? I said, “Excellent butt, great rack.”
Phoebe Buffay: Really? That’s so sweet. I mean, I’m officially offended. But that’s so sweet.

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Chandler Bing: This has been great, but I’m officially wiped.
Joey Tribbiani: Me too. We should get going.
Rachel Green: No. No. I mean… No. Come on, you guys. Come on, look, it’s only 11:30. Let’s just talk. We never just hang out and talk anymore.
Monica Geller: Rachel, that’s all we do.

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Quote from Friends 2x04 | Chandler Bing: This has been great, but I'm officially wiped. Joey Tribbiani: Me too. We should get going. Rachel Green: No. No. I mean... No. Come on, you guys. Come on, look, it's only 11:30. Let's just talk. We never just hang out and talk anymore. Monica Geller: Rachel, that's all we do.

Ross Geller: Will you guys grow up? This is the most natural, beautiful thing in the world.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, we know. But there’s a baby sucking on it.

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Joey Tribbiani: That’s how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over. Then they go up the other side, move it back, then they do the rear. What? Ross, tell him. Isn’t that how a tailor measures pants?
Ross Geller: Yes, yes, it is. In prison! What’s the matter with you?
Joey Tribbiani: What? That’s not? Oh, my God.

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Joey Tribbiani Quotes

Joey Tribbiani is a character from Friends