Sherlock Quotes

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Sherlock Holmes (about Toby, the dog): Keep up, he’s fast.

(second later…)

John Watson: He’s not moving.

Sherlock Holmes: He’s thinking.

John Watson: He’s really not moving.

Sherlock Holmes: Slow but sure, John, not dissimilar to yourself.

John Watson: You just like this dog, don’t you?

Sherlock Holmes: Well, I like you.

Mary Watson: He’s still not moving.

Sherlock Holmes: Fascinating.

Mary Watson: Oh!

John Watson: Hang on, Mary’s better than me?

Sherlock Holmes: Well, she is a retired super-agent with a terrifying skill-set. Of course she’s better.

John Watson: Yeah, OK.

Sherlock Holmes: Nothing personal.

John Watson: What, so I’m supposed to just go home now, am I?

Mary Watson: What do you think, Sherlock? Shall we take him with us?

Sherlock Holmes: John or the dog?

John Watson: Ha-ha, that’s funny!

Mary Watson: John.

Sherlock Holmes: Well…

Mary Watson: He’s handy and loyal.

John Watson: That’s hilarious. Is it too early for a divorce?

Sherlock Holmes (about Greg’s date): Trust me, though, she’s not right for you.

Greg Lestrade: What?

Sherlock Holmes: She’s not the one.

Greg Lestrade: Well, thank you, Mystic Meg.

John Watson: How do you work all that out?

Sherlock Holmes: She’s got three children in Rio that he doesn’t know about.

John Watson: Are you just making this up?

Sherlock Holmes: Possibly.

Greg Lestrade: What’s wrong? I thought you’d be pleased.

Sherlock Holmes: I am pleased.

Greg Lestrade: You don’t look pleased.

Sherlock Holmes: This is my game face. And the game is on.

Mycroft Holmes: Are you having a premonition, brother mine?

Sherlock Holmes: The world is woven from billions of lives, every strand crossing every other. What we call premonition is just movement of the web. If you could attenuate to every strand of quivering data, the future would be entirely calculable. As inevitable as mathematics.

Mycroft Holmes (looking at a screen): Why am I looking at this?

Sherlock Holmes: That’s her, John and Mary’s baby.

Mycroft Holmes: Oh, I see, yes. Looks very… fully functioning.

Sherlock Holmes: Is that really the best you can do?

Mycroft Holmes: Sorry, I’ve never been very good with them.

Sherlock Holmes: Babies?

Mycroft Holmes: Humans.

Sherlock Holmes: I can’t stand it, never can. There’s a loose thread in the world.

John Watson: It doesn’t mean you have to pull on it.

Sherlock Holmes: What kind of a life would that be?

Mrs Welsborough (about Sherlock): Is your friend quite mad?

John Watson: No, he’s an arsehole, but it’s an easy mistake.

Mary Watson (about a case): And what are you going to call this one?

John Watson: Oh, the Ghost Driver.

Sherlock Holmes: Don’t give it a title.

John Watson: People like the titles.

Sherlock Holmes: They hate the titles.

John Watson: Give the people what they want.

Sherlock Holmes: No, never do that – people are stupid.

Greg Lestrade: You’re at the beck and call of a screaming, demanding baby, woken up at all hours to obey its every whim. Must feel very different…

Sherlock Holmes: Sorry, what?

John Watson: Yes, well, you know how it is. All you do is clean up their mess, pat them on the head.

Sherlock Holmes: Are you two having a little joke?

John Watson: Never a word of thanks. Can’t even tell people’s faces apart.

Sherlock Holmes: This is a joke, isn’t it?

Greg Lestrade: Yeah, and it’s all, “Oh, aren’t you clever. You’re so, so clever.”

Sherlock Holmes: Is it about me?

Greg Lestrade: I think he needs winding.

John Watson: You know, I think that really might be it.

Sherlock Holmes: No, don’t get it.

Sherlock Holmes: Take all the credit. It gets boring if I just solve them all.

Greg Lestrade: Yeah, you say that, but then John blogs about it, and you get all the credit anyway.

John Watson: He’s got a point.

Greg Lestrade: Which makes me look like some kind of prima Donna who insists on getting credit for something he didn’t do!

John Watson: Well, I think you’ve hit a sore spot, Sherlock.

Greg Lestrade: Like I’m some kind of credit junkie.

John Watson: Definitely a sore spot.

Molly Hooper: Didn’t you get John’s text?

Sherlock Holmes: No. I delete his texts. I delete any text that begins “Hi.”

Molly Hooper: No idea why people think you’re incapable of human emotion.

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