Sherlock Quotes

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Mycroft Holmes: Everybody dies. It’s the one thing human beings can be relied upon to do. How can it still come as a surprise to people?

Faith Smith: How did you know my kitchen was tiny?

Sherlock Holmes: Well, look, the fading pattern on the paper, it’s not much, but it’s enough to know your kitchen window faces east. Now, kitchen noticeboards. By instinct, you place them at eye level, where there’s natural light. Now look, the sun’s only struck the bottom two thirds, but the line is straight, so that means we know the paper is facing the window. But, because the top section is unaffected, we know the sunlight can only be entering the room at a steep angle. If the sunlight was able to penetrate the room when the sun was lower in the sky, then the paper would be equally faded, top to bottom. But no. It only makes it when the sun is at its zenith, so I’m betting that you live in a narrow street on the ground floor. Now, if steeply angled sunlight manages to hit eye level on the wall opposite the window, then what do we know about the room? The room’s small.

Mrs Hudson: Sherlock? Are you going out?

Sherlock Holmes: I think I remember the way, it’s through there, isn’t it? (points at the door out)

Culverton Smith: Well, what is the worst thing you could do? Tell them your darkest secret. Because if you tell them and they decide they’d rather not know, you can’t take it back. You can’t unsay it. Once you’ve opened your heart, you can’t close it again.

Sherlock Holmes: Work is the best antidote to sorrow, Mrs Hudson.

Mary Watson: Every movement I made was entirely random, every new personality just on the roll of a dice!

Sherlock Holmes: Mary, no human action is ever truly random. An advanced grasp of the mathematics of probability, mapped onto a thorough apprehension of human psychology and the known dispositions of any given individual, can reduce the number of variables considerably. I myself know of at least 58 techniques to refine a seemingly infinite array of randomly generated possibilities down to the smallest number of feasible variables. But they’re really difficult, so instead I just stuck a tracer on the inside of the memory stick.

Mary Watson: Oh, you b*stard! You b*stard!

Sherlock Holmes: I know, but your face!

Mary Watson: “The mathematics of probability”?

Sherlock Holmes: You believed that.

Mary Watson: “Feasible variables”?

Sherlock Holmes: Yes, I started to run out about then.

Passanger: Did you have a nice time in London?

Mary Watson (in disguise): It was OK, I guess. But did somebody hide the sun? Did you lose it in the war?

Mycroft Holmes: But remember this, brother mine, agents like Mary tend not to reach retirement age. They get retired in a pretty permanent sort of way.

Sherlock Holmes: Not on my watch.

Ajay (about Mary): Tell her she’s a dead woman. She’s a dead woman walking.

Sherlock Holmes: She’s my friend. And she’s under my protection.

Sherlock Holmes: Congratulations, by the way.

Greg Lestrade: I’m sorry?

Sherlock Holmes: Well, you’re about to solve a big one.

Greg Lestrade: Yeah, until John publishes his blog.

Sherlock Holmes: Yeah, until then, basically.

Mary Watson: You should have seen the state of the front room. It was like The Exorcist.

John Watson: Huh. Was Rosie’s head spinning round?

Mary Watson: No. Just the projectile vomiting.

John Watson: Nice!

Mary Watson: Now, you think we’d have noticed, when she was born.

John Watson: Hmm? Noticed what?

Mary Watson: The little 666 on her forehead.

John Watson: Hmm, that’s The Omen.

Mary Watson: So?

John Watson: Well, you said it was like The Exorcist. They’re two different things. She can’t be the devil and the Antichrist.

Mary Watson: Yeah, can’t she?

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