100+ Best 'Lucifer' Quotes (TV Show): "It's Good to be Bad." | Page 4 of 24

Lucifer Morningstar: Do you think it’s possible I’ve given my power to everyone I’ve ever had sex with and just never knew it?

Linda Martin: Uh… Who, me? No.

Lucifer Morningstar: Well, we did the deed, several times, and in, you know, all sorts of positions.

Linda Martin: Yes, I remember. How could I forget? Anyway… But, Lucifer, your mojo is like a superpower. I don’t have it. Or do I? I guess I’ve never tried.

Lucifer Morningstar: Well, let’s try now. Come on. Lean in. Look into my eyes. Ask me what I desire.

Linda Martin: This is good. I mean…Lucifer… what do you desire?

Lucifer Morningstar: No. Nada. Totally limp.

Linda Martin: Oof. Ouch.

Lucifer Morningstar: Well, that’s several million bullets dodged.

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(Lucifer gets angry and shows his devil face, which makes Charlie stop crying, looking at him curiously…)

Lucifer Morningstar: That’s odd.

(Lucifer turns his face back and Charlie starts crying again…)

Amenadiel: Do it again, Lucy. Do it again. Yeah, yeah. Do it again.

(Lucifer shows his devil face again and makes Charlie laugh…)

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Quote from Lucifer 5x06 | (Lucifer gets angry and shows his devil face, which makes Charlie stop crying, looking at him curiously...) Lucifer Morningstar: That's odd. (Lucifer turns his face back and Charlie starts crying again...) Amenadiel: Do it again, Lucy. Do it again. Yeah, yeah. Do it again. (Lucifer shows his devil face again and makes Charlie laugh...)

Chloe Decker: Sleeping with the Devil, it must be different somehow, right?

Linda Martin: Well, it’s not like he has a forked p*nis or anything.

Chloe Decker: Oh, he doesn’t?

Linda Martin: I mean, it’s totally normal. I mean, well… I mean, way, way above average. I mean, it’s perfect. Seriously, sex with Lucifer is the last thing you should be worried about. What you should be worried about is that he’s unfathomably narcissistic, utterly terrified of intimacy, and sabotages everything good that ever happens to him. So essentially, he’s the oldest, most immature person in the world. Nay, “universe.”

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Ella Lopez: I thought you guys were gonna finally, you know, hang out tonight. Mm.

Chloe Decker: Yeah, well, it… Got postponed.

Ella Lopez: Oh, you’re nervous that you won’t measure up in bed. I mean, he is pretty experienced. I mean, I’d put it, like, in the thousands, probably. But you know what, you got this. You totally got this. You’re sexy.

Chloe Decker: That actually hadn’t crossed my mind.

Ella Lopez: Oh, you’re waiting on an STD check! Super smart.

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(Charlie is crying…)

Linda Martin: We’ve been up all night. You’re welcome to stay, but it’s kind of loud.

Mazikeen: Pain and suffering. Music to my ears.

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Chloe Decker: I had a… interesting conversation with Amenadiel.

Lucifer Morningstar: Please tell me you’re not making him police consultant. Anything but that.

Chloe Decker: No, actually. He has, um, a theory about why I make you vulnerable.

Lucifer Morningstar: Oh. Do tell.

Chloe Decker: Well… His theory is that… I don’t.

Lucifer Morningstar: Well, I have many scars to prove otherwise.

Chloe Decker: He thinks that… you choose to be vulnerable around me.

Lucifer Morningstar: I choose to… Well, I’ll be damned. I think he might be right. I… Detective.

Chloe Decker: Lucifer. If that’s true… If you choose to be vulnerable around me… then I choose to be vulnerable around you.

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Lucifer Morningstar: Thank you for finally agreeing to meet with me, Detective.

Chloe Decker: Well, after 57 phone calls, twice as many texts, the billboard off Sunset, and the ill-conceived stripper-gram…

Lucifer Morningstar: In my defense, Roberto came highly recommended.

Chloe Decker: Lucifer, I am ready to talk, and yes, thank you for being patient, but I really don’t know what you can say that’s going to make a difference.

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(Lucifer is telling a real story to Trixie with little changes and we see it as a flashback where Mr. Stompanato is played by Ella…)

Trixie Espinoza: Wait, hold it!

Lucifer Morningstar: Oh, for crying out loud.

Trixie Espinoza: I thought you said “Mr. Stompanato”. “Mr.” is a man.

Lucifer Morningstar: Did you or did you not request a gender-balanced narrative? I’m simply following your instructions.

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(Flashback/Lucifer’s story for Trixie…)

Lucifer Morningstar: The Devil, solving crime. It’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.

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(Maze and Linda are watching the Diablo show, Maze’s character is portraited by a big black man…)

Mazikeen: Wow. It’s like looking into a mirror. Simpler times. Me and Lucifer, together, side by side for eons. Now everyone just comes and goes.

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Chloe Decker: I mean, does that bother you at all, that you have no say in what your character does or says?

Brianna Davis (Detective Dancer): Are you kidding? I’m a lead in a hit show, and you know, there are strippers out there considering becoming detectives now. I’m kind of a role model.

Lucifer Morningstar: Oh, lovely.

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Lucifer Morningstar: I know that man. That’s Matt Owens. I did him a favor a couple years ago to help get his career started as a TV writer. I mean, even after the favor, he’d come over and we’d talk for hours. It’s funny, I’ve been wondering what he was up to recently. You know, before I went…

Chloe Decker: Right.

Lucifer Morningstar: Yeah.

Chloe Decker: I may know the answer to that. (points to a billboard)

Lucifer Morningstar: Huh. Actually, now I think of it, we did mostly talk about me.

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Quote from Lucifer 5x03 | Lucifer Morningstar: I know that man. That's Matt Owens. I did him a favor a couple years ago to help get his career started as a TV writer. I mean, even after the favor, he'd come over and we'd talk for hours. It's funny, I've been wondering what he was up to recently. You know, before I went... Chloe Decker: Right. Lucifer Morningstar: Yeah. Chloe Decker: I may know the answer to that. (points to a billboard) Lucifer Morningstar: Huh. Actually, now I think of it, we did mostly talk about me.

Lucifer Morningstar: Michael needles people’s fears. It’s what he does. But we also know he’s all bark and no bite. Don’t you remember, growing up? He’d get under your skin with one of his schemes, then you’d give him one of your atomic wedgies, and that’d be that.

Amenadiel: I don’t think a wedgie’s gonna do it this time.

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Amenadiel: I’m not afraid of you, Michael. Now go home.

Michael: Lucifer’s life sucks anyway. The only thing worse is the traffic.

Amenadiel: Oh, I think thou doth protest too much. You see, you pride yourself on exploiting everyone’s fears, but we’ve always known yours. You’re terrified that Lucifer is better than you. That he’ll always be better than you.

Michael: Please. Our brother? The Devil? The, the, the guy that was cast out of Heaven for all eternity?

Amenadiel: Exactly, Michael, because despite even that, you know, deep down… he’ll always end up winning.

Michael: We’ll see.

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Chloe Decker (to Michael): I don’t know why you’re here and I don’t care, but I do know that I am glad, because you made me realize that all my fears that Lucifer had changed were just that. They were fears. What Lucifer and I have is special. It’s real, and it doesn’t matter how many lies you tell me. I will never lose faith… in me and him.

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