Cobra Kai Quotes

(Johnny goes back to the pawn shop…)

Johnny Lawrence: Kids from my dojo told me to get an Apple. You sold me a lemon. The piece of sh*t won’t even turn on.

Lyle: First of all, it’s a Dell, and it’s not broken. Have you tried pressing the power button?

Johnny Lawrence: Yeah, of course. I’m not an idiot. (presses something on the side of the laptop)

(Lyle opens the laptop and pushes the power button…)

Lyle: Have you seriously never owned a computer before?

Johnny Lawrence: Yeah. I’m not a nerd.

(Back at home…)

Johnny Lawrence (to the laptop): All right. Let’s see what you got. Move, stupid arrow. Bullsh*t. Where the hell is the Internet? (clicks everything and a lot of windows come up) Oh, sh*t.

(Johnny calls Lyle to help him…)

Johnny Lawrence: Yeah, a**hole, I clicked all the buttons. I still can’t find the Internet.

Lyle: Have you tried connecting to the Wi-Fi?

Johnny Lawrence: Obviously. What’s “Wi-Fi”?

Lyle: Dude, this is a pawn shop, not the Geek Squad. Figure it out.

Johnny Lawrence: Cobra Kai is about being badass. And the baddest badass is the one who beats his opponent when he’s at his strongest. Not when his back is turned, not when he’s injured. Is that understood?

Cobra Kai: Yes, Sensei.

Johnny Lawrence: That means no more cheating. No more fighting dirty. From here on out, those are p*ssy moves, and you don’t wanna be p*ssies, do you?

Cobra Kai: No, Sensei.

Johnny Lawrence: Good. It’s why I had you wear white belts, we’re starting over.

Johnny Lawrence: Miguel’s lucky.

Carmen Diaz: In more ways than one. You know, when we first moved here, Miggy was having a pretty tough time. I never imagined a few months later, there would be an arena full of people cheering him on. But, um… To be honest, there were some moments I wasn’t sure I liked what I saw. He had this look on his face. But that’s just his, um… What do they call it? His game face? Right?

Johnny Lawrence: Don’t worry. Miguel’s a good kid. I won’t let him go astray.

Johnny Lawrence: There’s one more lesson I have to teach you. You’ve all learned to strike first, to be aggressive, not be losers. I’ve taught you to strike hard, put every ounce of your power behind everything you do. But I haven’t taught you the third rule of Cobra Kai… No mercy. The older you get, the more you’re gonna learn that life isn’t fair. You wake up one morning feeling great, and then life throws a spinning heel kick to your balls. Takes a big steaming sh*t in your mouth. You get an F on a test. You get suspended. You fall in love with a girl, and some other dude comes and steals her away. Your car gets set on fire. Just when you think things are going good, everything falls apart. That’s how it goes. Life shows no mercy, so neither do we. We do whatever it takes to keep our heads above water. We do whatever it takes to keep moving forward. We do whatever it takes to win! Remember who you are. You’re badass. You don’t give a sh*t. You kick a$$. You’re Cobra Kai.

(Johnny brings his step-father the money he borrowed…)

Sid Weinberg: What do you want me to do? Leave it here on the table till you come back next week?

Johnny Lawrence: I won’t be back.

Sid Weinberg: Of course you’ll be back! You need my money!

Johnny Lawrence: I never needed your money. It’s just the only thing you had to give.