Old Dads (2023) Quotes

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Cara Brody: I'm just so sick of your f**king excuses.

Connor Brody: What? It's not an excuse, Cara. I'm in actual f**king pain, which is something you can't relate to because you block it out with your cold, reptilian mindset.

Cara Brody: You think I'm cold?

Connor Brody: Babe, when you open your legs, I can actually hear the East German National Anthem.

(Cara slaps him)

Connor Brody: Ah! Finally, a little f**king emotion!

Mike Richards: Britney, would you do me the honor of becoming my bride?

Britney: Michael Jahim Richards. I am not answering that question in the middle of a hospital!

Mike Richards: My bad.

Britney: Get up! Jesus! Get up! Come on! Take a shower! Buy a ring! Show some effort! At least take me to Tony Roma's or something.

Mike Richards: How about Ruth's Chris?

Britney: I mean, I do love Ruth's Chris.

(Guys are renting scooters...)

Mike Richards: You know I got a flip phone?

Cara Brody: What the f**k?

Mike Richards: What? I don't want motherf**kers tracking me!

Cara Brody: Man, nobody gives a sh*t where you are.

(Jack and motel owner are arguing if vaping is smoking...)

Jack Kelly: What makes it smoking, buddy, is the f**king smoke coming out of your mouth, all right? So, get out of my f**king face before I throw you in that f**king pool?

Motel owner: I don't respond to hyperbole!

Jack Kelly: Good. Because I don't know what the f**k that means.

Parent: Is there a reason we always have two white men dominating the discussion in this room?

Jack Kelly: Was that directed at us? 'Cause if I'm not mistaken, you're also a white male, buddy.

Parent: Why don't you consult the results of my 23andMe test? Because the 3% of my lineage that is Sri Lankan is really not appreciating your tone in this moment. So I'm gonna need you to check your privilege.

Jack Kelly: Check my privilege?

Parent: That's right. Check your privilege.

Connor Brody: Okay. Uh, why don't we concentrate on the silent auction?

Jack Kelly (to Connor): That's not a white guy?

Connor Brody (to Jack): I'm confused.

Parent #1: I've got it. What about the United States of Gender? Parent #2: There it is. Oh my God. I love that! Parent #1: I know. I love it. Parent #2: We could have an entirely trans waitstaff. It'd be great! Jack Kelly: Okay. Wait, guys. There's gonna be a lot of different people here at this party. Maybe we should try to keep it a little more mainstream. Parent #1: Hmm. Define mainstream. Jack Kelly: I don't know, like, you know, not turn it into, like, a tranny bar. Parent #2: Oh my God! Parent #3: Tranny? You cannot say that word! Jack Kelly: What are you supposed to say? All parents: Trans! Jack Kelly: Oh, all right. Well, I was close. Trans, tranny. It's like Mike, Mikey.

Jack Kelly: So, you gonna help me with this thing?

Connor Brody: F**k, no.

Jack Kelly: Come on. It's just a fundraiser meeting.

Connor Brody: I said no.

Jack Kelly: What about that time I pretended to be your dad 'cause you were lying to that chick about your age, huh?

Connor Brody: I have no recollection of that incident.

Parent: I would just like to voice how incredibly hurt I am. Mr. Kelly, do you understand that using the C-word is like the N-word but for women?

Jack Kelly: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, I'm... I'm sure... I'm sure it is. You know, other than the 400 years of slavery and continued systemic oppression. Other than that, I think you're making a really solid point there.

(Jack has to make a formal apology to Dr. Lois Schmieckel-Turner in front of all the parents from school...)

Jack Kelly (to all parents): Okay. Wow! That's quite a turnout. Um... All right, um... I guess, uh, looking back, I, uh, let my emotions get the best of me yesterday, and, um, I wish I could have chosen my words a little bit differently. All right? And I am sorry that six of you heard this and then told the other 40.

Jack Kelly: We're just wondering when you're gonna make an honest woman out of Britney.

Mike Richards: I already told you. She doesn't wanna get married. She doesn't wanna have kids. All she wants to do is f**k me and go to the gym.

Jack Kelly: Godd*mn, Mike. You found a f**king unicorn.

Old Dads - The best quotes from the Netflix movie Old Dads 2023

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Old Dads Quotes

Old Dads Quotes


Title: Old Dads (2023)
Format: Movie
Genre: Comedy
Produced by: Netflix
Release Date: October 20, 2023

Synopsis / Summary

Jack Kelly (Bill Burr), Connor Brody (Bobby Cannavale) and Mike Richards (Bokeem Woodbine) are best friends, business partners and old dads. After agreeing to sell their throwback sports apparel company, they’re excited to punch their tickets to the lives they’ve always dreamed of. But when the company is made over by an eccentric new millennial CEO (Miles Robbins), Jack’s anger boils over, creating a series of crises at work, home and his son’s ultra-progressive preschool. In the aftermath, Jack and his fellow old dads must fight to win back their families and self-respect on an unlikely quest that takes them from Palm Desert casinos to strip clubs to the e-scooter riddled streets of Los Angeles. (IMDb)

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