Gloria: It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful and so smart. And it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like we have to always be extraordinary. But somehow we're always doing it wrong. You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you wanna be thin, you have to say you wanna be healthy. But also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can't ask for money. Because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're suppose to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you temp them too much or that you threat other women because you're suppose to be part of the sisterhood. But always stand out. And always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged, so find a way to acknowledge that, but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear. Never get out of line. It's too hard. It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says "thank you". And it turns out in fact that not only you're doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault. I'm just so tired... of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us.
Doctor: No. I won't let you do just one appendectomy.
Ken (Ryan Gosling): But I'm a man.
Doctor: But not a doctor.
Ken (Ryan Gosling): Can I talk to a doctor?
Doctor: You are talking to a doctor.
Ken (Ryan Gosling): And I need a clicky pen.
Ken (Ryan Gosling): And a sharp thing.
Barbie (Kate McKinnon): You can go back to your regular life (shows her a pretty high heel shoe), or you can know the truth about the universe (shows her a ugly birkenstock slipper). The choice is now yours.
Barbie (Margot Robbie): The first one. The high heel.
Barbie (Kate McKinnon): You have to want to know. Okay? Do it again.
Ken (Simu Liu): Well, looks like this beach was a little too much beach for you, Ken.
Ken (Ryan Gosling): If I wasn't severely injured, I would beach you off right now, Ken.
Ken (Liu): I'll beach off with you any day, Ken.
Ken (Gosling): Hold my ice-cream, Ken (talking to Ben-Adir Ken). Alright Ken, you're on. Let's beach off.
Ken (Kingsley Ben-Adir): Anyone who wants to beach him off has to beach me off first.
Ken (Liu): I will beach both of you off at the same time.
Ken (Gosling): But you don't even know how to beach yourself off, how are you gonna beach both of us off? That doesn't even make sense.
Barbie (Margot Robbie): Come on, Kens. Nobody's gonna beach anyone off.
Table of Contents:
No characters added yet. Not sure how we’re gonna deal with the multiple Barbies and Kens.