Mycroft Holmes (looking at a screen): Why am I looking at this?
Sherlock Holmes: That’s her, John and Mary’s baby.
Mycroft Holmes: Oh, I see, yes. Looks very… fully functioning.
Sherlock Holmes: Is that really the best you can do?
Mycroft Holmes: Sorry, I’ve never been very good with them.
Sherlock Holmes: Babies?
Mycroft Holmes: Humans.
Mary Watson (about a case): And what are you going to call this one?
John Watson: Oh, the Ghost Driver.
Sherlock Holmes: Don’t give it a title.
John Watson: People like the titles.
Sherlock Holmes: They hate the titles.
John Watson: Give the people what they want.
Sherlock Holmes: No, never do that – people are stupid.
Greg Lestrade: You’re at the beck and call of a screaming, demanding baby, woken up at all hours to obey its every whim. Must feel very different…
Sherlock Holmes: Sorry, what?
John Watson: Yes, well, you know how it is. All you do is clean up their mess, pat them on the head.
Sherlock Holmes: Are you two having a little joke?
John Watson: Never a word of thanks. Can’t even tell people’s faces apart.
Sherlock Holmes: This is a joke, isn’t it?
Greg Lestrade: Yeah, and it’s all, “Oh, aren’t you clever. You’re so, so clever.”
Sherlock Holmes: Is it about me?
Greg Lestrade: I think he needs winding.
John Watson: You know, I think that really might be it.
Sherlock Holmes: No, don’t get it.
Sherlock Holmes: Take all the credit. It gets boring if I just solve them all.
Greg Lestrade: Yeah, you say that, but then John blogs about it, and you get all the credit anyway.
John Watson: He’s got a point.
Greg Lestrade: Which makes me look like some kind of prima Donna who insists on getting credit for something he didn’t do!
John Watson: Well, I think you’ve hit a sore spot, Sherlock.
Greg Lestrade: Like I’m some kind of credit junkie.
John Watson: Definitely a sore spot.
Mycroft Holmes (reading Sherlock’s tweets): “Back on Terra firma.”
Sherlock Holmes: Don’t read them out.
Mycroft Holmes: “Free as a bird.”
Sherlock Holmes: God, you’re such a spoilsport.
Mycroft Holmes: Will you take this matter seriously, Sherlock?
Sherlock Holmes: I am! What makes you think I’m not taking it seriously?
Mycroft Holmes: “#OhWhatABeautifulMorning”