Faith Smith: How did you know my kitchen was tiny?
Sherlock Holmes: Well, look, the fading pattern on the paper, it’s not much, but it’s enough to know your kitchen window faces east. Now, kitchen noticeboards. By instinct, you place them at eye level, where there’s natural light. Now look, the sun’s only struck the bottom two thirds, but the line is straight, so that means we know the paper is facing the window. But, because the top section is unaffected, we know the sunlight can only be entering the room at a steep angle. If the sunlight was able to penetrate the room when the sun was lower in the sky, then the paper would be equally faded, top to bottom. But no. It only makes it when the sun is at its zenith, so I’m betting that you live in a narrow street on the ground floor. Now, if steeply angled sunlight manages to hit eye level on the wall opposite the window, then what do we know about the room? The room’s small.
Mary Watson: Every movement I made was entirely random, every new personality just on the roll of a dice!
Sherlock Holmes: Mary, no human action is ever truly random. An advanced grasp of the mathematics of probability, mapped onto a thorough apprehension of human psychology and the known dispositions of any given individual, can reduce the number of variables considerably. I myself know of at least 58 techniques to refine a seemingly infinite array of randomly generated possibilities down to the smallest number of feasible variables. But they’re really difficult, so instead I just stuck a tracer on the inside of the memory stick.
Mary Watson: Oh, you b*stard! You b*stard!
Sherlock Holmes: I know, but your face!
Mary Watson: “The mathematics of probability”?
Sherlock Holmes: You believed that.
Mary Watson: “Feasible variables”?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, I started to run out about then.
Sherlock Holmes (about Toby, the dog): Keep up, he’s fast.
John Watson: He’s not moving.
Sherlock Holmes: He’s thinking.
John Watson: He’s really not moving.
Sherlock Holmes: Slow but sure, John, not dissimilar to yourself.
John Watson: You just like this dog, don’t you?
Sherlock Holmes: Well, I like you.
Mary Watson: He’s still not moving.
Sherlock Holmes: Fascinating.
Mary Watson: Oh!
John Watson: Hang on, Mary’s better than me?
Sherlock Holmes: Well, she is a retired super-agent with a terrifying skill-set. Of course she’s better.
John Watson: Yeah, OK.
Sherlock Holmes: Nothing personal.
John Watson: What, so I’m supposed to just go home now, am I?
Mary Watson: What do you think, Sherlock? Shall we take him with us?
Sherlock Holmes: John or the dog?
John Watson: Ha-ha, that’s funny!
Mary Watson: John.
Sherlock Holmes: Well…
Mary Watson: He’s handy and loyal.
John Watson: That’s hilarious. Is it too early for a divorce?
Sherlock Holmes (about Greg’s date): Trust me, though, she’s not right for you.
Greg Lestrade: What?
Sherlock Holmes: She’s not the one.
Greg Lestrade: Well, thank you, Mystic Meg.
John Watson: How do you work all that out?
Sherlock Holmes: She’s got three children in Rio that he doesn’t know about.
John Watson: Are you just making this up?
Sherlock Holmes: Possibly.
Mycroft Holmes: Are you having a premonition, brother mine?
Sherlock Holmes: The world is woven from billions of lives, every strand crossing every other. What we call premonition is just movement of the web. If you could attenuate to every strand of quivering data, the future would be entirely calculable. As inevitable as mathematics.