Phoebe Buffay: I can't believe you tried to move the green ottoman.
Chandler Bing: Thank God, you didn't try to fan out the magazines. She'll scratch your eyes right out.
Monica Geller: You guys, I am not that bad!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, you are, Monica. Remember, I lived with you? You were a little... you know...
Monica Geller: That is so unfair!
Ross Geller: Oh, come on! When we were kids, yours was the only Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy.
Rachel Green: Am I being a total laundry spaz? Am I supposed to use one machine for shirts and another for pants?
Ross Geller: Have you never done this before?
Rachel Green: Well, not myself. But I know other people that have. Okay. You caught me. I'm a laundry virgin.
Ross Geller: Don't worry. I'll use the gentle cycle.
Ross Geller: Today's the day Carol and I first... consummated our... physical relationship. Sex.
Joey Tribbiani: You told your sister that?
Ross Geller: Believe me, I told everyone. I better pass on the game. I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
Joey Tribbiani: The hell with hockey! Let's all do that!
Monica Geller: Hey, Joey. What would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey Tribbiani: Probably kill myself.
Monica Geller: Excuse me?
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, If little Joey's dead, then I got no reason to live.
Ross Geller: Joey, om- nipotent.
Joey Tribbiani: You are? Ross, I'm sorry. I had no idea. I thought it was a theoretical question.
(Ross is showing the group video from ultrasound...)
Ross Geller: Well, isn't that amazing?
Joey Tribbiani: What are we supposed to be seeing here?
Chandler Bing: I don't know, but I think it's about to attack the Enterprise.
Phoebe Buffay: You know, if you tilt your head to the left and relax your eyes... it kind of looks like an old potato.
Ross Geller: Then don't do that, all right?
Monica Geller: So, Ross, what's going on with you? Any stories? No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks?
Ross Geller: Ok, Ok... Look, I realize you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me. And so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child. And she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
Judy Geller (to Monica): And you knew about this?
Rachel Green: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
Monica Geller: Absolutely.
Chandler Bing: I think for us, kissing's an opening act like the standup comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Ross Geller: Yeah. And it's not that we don't like the comedian. It's just that that's not why we bought the ticket.
Chandler Bing: See, the problem is though after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again. We're in the car, fighting traffic, basically just trying to stay awake.
Rachel Green: Yeah, well... Word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you'll find yourself sitting at home listening to that album alone.
Joey Tribbiani (to Ross): Are we still talking about sex?
Ross Geller: Rach, you know, I can see you naked anytime I want. All I have to do is close my eyes. See? Woohoo!
Rachel Green: Come on! I don't want you thinking of me like that anymore.
Ross Geller: Sorry. Nothing you can do about it. It's one of my rights as the ex-boyfriend. Oh, Oh, yeah...
Rachel Green: Stop it! Cut it out! Cut it out!
Ross Geller: Ok, ok, I'm sorry. It will never happen... Oh oh, wait a minute! Wait, wait. Now there are 100 of you, and I'm the king!