Leonard Hofstadter (to Tam): Why did you and Sheldon stop being friends? What did you do?
Rajesh Koothrappali: And don't worry, even though we just met you, we think you're right and he's wrong.
Howard Wolowitz: Higgs had to wait almost 50 years before they built a collider big enough to prove his theory.
Sheldon Cooper: 50 years? But I want to play with it now.
Rajesh Koothrappali: You just have to wait for science to catch up or technology to get cheaper. Think about, uh, DVD players... they used to cost, like, a thousand dollars, but just the other day I used one to smash a bug.
Amy Farrah Fowler: I need to tell you something about Howard, but you can't tell him that I told you.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Nope. Don't want to hear it. Do not like to engage in gossip.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Okay. I respect your integrity.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Is it about his special underwear? Because I already know. And that's all I'll say. Fine, it has a charcoal filter in it.
V. M. Koothrappali: How was the interview?
Rajesh Koothrappali: Uh, not so great. They asked me what my biggest weakness was, and 45 minutes later, they thanked me for coming.
V. M. Koothrappali: Son, don't take this the wrong way, but what's your problem?
Rajesh Koothrappali: I would tell you, but apparently it takes 45 minutes.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Which breakup was that? Was that the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre?
Howard Wolowitz: No, no. This might've been during the Comic-Con Dump-A-Thon.
Penny Hofstadter: You have names for our breakups?
Rajesh Koothrappali: Well, they would really blur together if we didn't.
Rajesh Koothrappali: I can't believe you haven't seen Avatar yet. What is wrong with you?
Leonard Hofstadter: Penny and I just started dating, and you know I don't like big crowds.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Because you're afraid Penny will leave you for someone in them?
Leonard Hofstadter: Terrified.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Can we start the movie?
Howard Wolowitz: Before Sheldon gets here? Last time we did that, he didn't talk to us for a month. So do it!
Rajesh Koothrappali: You know who'd make a great Professor Proton? Meryl Streep.
Howard Wolowitz: She's not a scientist.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Uh, then explain to me why she has chemistry with literally everyone.
Amy Farrah Fowler: It would be nice if they cast a woman.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, you've already got Doctor Who and the Ghostbusters. Leave us something.
Rajesh Koothrappali: You don't know what this little boy's gonna be like. Maybe he'll be rough and tumble, or maybe he'll be sweet and sensitive, or maybe he'll be all those things, like me.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: You're rough and tumble?
Rajesh Koothrappali: You bet I am, bitch. But I'm also sensitive and regret saying that.
Howard Wolowitz: Now I'm having a son? I'll have to teach him how to play sports, and-and watch sports and-and-and-and-and-and...
Rajesh Koothrappali: He just ran out of man things. He's in trouble.
Leonard Hofstadter: It's okay. We're all here to help.
Sheldon Cooper: Yes. And this baby will have plenty of manly role models. Now, I'm certain that whatever Bernadette can't teach him, Penny can.
Leonard Hofstadter: Uh, she can pee into a bottle.
Penny Hofstadter: Mm-hmm. Anything with a neck wider than a nickel.