Rajesh Koothrappali: If you like fixing people, I could use some help.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Raj. Why do you think you stopped wearing Crocs and socks?
Rajesh Koothrappali: Uh, well, one day I just woke up and realized they looked silly.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Yes, you did. All on your own. (whispers to Howard): That's how good I am.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: I can't believe Penny doesn't want to head up my sales team.
Rajesh Koothrappali: That's too bad. But it's her decision, not yours.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Do you hear how dumb you sound?
Rajesh Koothrappali: Why does this matter to you so much?
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Because I believe in her, and I make people better. It's what I do.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Against their will?
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: It's no fun if they want to. That's just called watching. Look at Howard. He was a disaster when I met him. Now he's a foxy astronaut with a hot wife.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Wait, he always wanted to be an astronaut.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: He thinks that, too. That's how good I am.
Amy Farrah Fowler: You guys will never believe what just happened.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Yeah, we heard. You did it.
Sheldon Cooper: We did do it.
Amy Farrah Fowler: And we didn't even know we did it!
Howard Wolowitz: Wait, what?
Sheldon Cooper: Two physicists in Chicago had to tell us.
Leonard Hofstadter: Wait, what?
Sheldon Cooper: Their experiment on kaon decay supported our predictions on the higher order corrections pertaining to super-asymmetry.
Penny Hofstadter: Wait, what?
Howard Wolowitz: Everything okay?
Rajesh Koothrappali: Yeah, it's just Anu's doorbell camera. I helped her install it.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: You can't look at it. That's spying.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Who the hell is this guy?
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Ooh, let me see.
Anu: So I told my mom she just needed to back off. This is our wedding, and if anyone's gonna design the floral arrangements, it's going to be my man.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Thank you. I mean, I-I'm not trying to be a groomzilla, but... this is my special day.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Like my mom used to say when I was doing pageants, "Tears only make your eyes sparkle brighter."
Rajesh Koothrappali: That is both sad and true. Half my Instagram is after a good cry.
Amy Farrah Fowler: What do you guys think you're doing?
Rajesh Koothrappali: We're showing Sheldon "Halloween".
Amy Farrah Fowler: Absolutely not. Sheldon, come home.
Sheldon Cooper: But I really want to watch it.
Amy Farrah Fowler: I know you do, but I am forbidding it.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, man. Sorry, guys. (Amy and Sheldon leave...) What took you so long?
Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm sorry. I just got your text!
Bert Kibbler: Really? An arranged marriage?
Rajesh Koothrappali: Yeah. I know how it sounds.
Bert Kibbler: It sounds awesome. Is that just an Indian thing, or can I get a piece of that?
Anu: You know the woman has a choice, right?
Bert Kibbler: There's always a catch.
(Raj is introducing Andrea, the director of the planetarium, to Howard...)
Howard Wolowitz: Nice to meet you. I'm Howard Wolowitz. Engineer, husband, father... astronaut.
Andrea: Really? You're an astronaut?
Howard Wolowitz: Well, I don't like to brag.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Hmm, yeah, but somehow, you manage.
Leonard Hofstadter (to Tam): Why did you and Sheldon stop being friends? What did you do?
Rajesh Koothrappali: And don't worry, even though we just met you, we think you're right and he's wrong.
Howard Wolowitz: Higgs had to wait almost 50 years before they built a collider big enough to prove his theory.
Sheldon Cooper: 50 years? But I want to play with it now.
Rajesh Koothrappali: You just have to wait for science to catch up or technology to get cheaper. Think about, uh, DVD players... they used to cost, like, a thousand dollars, but just the other day I used one to smash a bug.
Amy Farrah Fowler: I need to tell you something about Howard, but you can't tell him that I told you.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Nope. Don't want to hear it. Do not like to engage in gossip.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Okay. I respect your integrity.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Is it about his special underwear? Because I already know. And that's all I'll say. Fine, it has a charcoal filter in it.