Ross Geller: That's Marcel. Wanna say hi?
Monica Geller: No no, I don't.
Rachel Green: Oh, he's precious! Where'd you get him?
Ross Geller: My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab.
Phoebe Buffay: That is so cruel. Why!? Why would a parent name their child Bethel?
Ross Geller: Come on. Seriously, Joey, what's the part?
(Joey mumbles something)
Rachel Green: You're.... What?
Joey Tribbiani: I'm his butt double, okay? I play Al Pacino's butt. All right? He goes into the shower, and then... I'm his butt.
Monica Geller: Oh, my God!
Joey Tribbiani: Come on, you guys. It's a real movie and Al Pacino's in it, that's big!
Chandler Bing: It's terrific. You deserve this. After years of struggling you've cracked your way into show business.
Rachel Green: Am I being a total laundry spaz? Am I supposed to use one machine for shirts and another for pants?
Ross Geller: Have you never done this before?
Rachel Green: Well, not myself. But I know other people that have. Okay. You caught me. I'm a laundry virgin.
Ross Geller: Don't worry. I'll use the gentle cycle.
(Rachel got her first paycheck...)
Rachel Green: Isn't this exciting? I earned this. I wiped tables for it. I steamed milk. And it was totally... (looks at the check) not worth it. What's FICA? Why's he getting all my money?
Rachel Green (on the phone with Mindy): I hope you two are very happy. I really do. And, Min, you know, if everything works out and you guys end up getting married and having kids, and everything... I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose! (hangs up) Okay, I know that was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now!
Rachel Green: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
Monica Geller: Absolutely.
Chandler Bing: I think for us, kissing's an opening act like the standup comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Ross Geller: Yeah. And it's not that we don't like the comedian. It's just that that's not why we bought the ticket.
Chandler Bing: See, the problem is though after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again. We're in the car, fighting traffic, basically just trying to stay awake.
Rachel Green: Yeah, well... Word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you'll find yourself sitting at home listening to that album alone.
Joey Tribbiani (to Ross): Are we still talking about sex?
Ross Geller: Rach, you know, I can see you naked anytime I want. All I have to do is close my eyes. See? Woohoo!
Rachel Green: Come on! I don't want you thinking of me like that anymore.
Ross Geller: Sorry. Nothing you can do about it. It's one of my rights as the ex-boyfriend. Oh, Oh, yeah...
Rachel Green: Stop it! Cut it out! Cut it out!
Ross Geller: Ok, ok, I'm sorry. It will never happen... Oh oh, wait a minute! Wait, wait. Now there are 100 of you, and I'm the king!
Ross Geller: You know what? I didn't wear this suit for a year because you hated it. You're not my girlfriend anymore, so...
Rachel Green: I see. So this suit is making a point. Now that you're on your own, you're free to look as stupid as you'd like.
Rachel Green: I should really get back to work.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered.
Rachel Green: Oh. The hair comes out and the gloves come off.
(Phoebe’s flaw = chewing her hair)
Phoebe Buffay: “Dear Ms. Buffay: Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account $500. We’re sorry for the inconvenience… and hope you’ll accept this football phone… as our free gift.” Do you believe this? Now I have $1000 and a football phone.
Rachel Green: What bank is this?