Number Five Quotes

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Viktor Hargreeves: So I, uh, talked to Marcus last night.

Diego Hargreeves: Wait, what? You talked with the enemy? By yourself?

Viktor Hargreeves: Somebody had to do something.

Diego Hargreeves: Who elected you, Vanya?

Viktor Hargreeves: It's, uh, Viktor.

Diego Hargreeves: Who's Viktor?

Viktor Hargreeves: I am. It's who I've always been. Uh, is that an issue for anyone?

Diego Hargreeves: Nah, I'm good with it.

Klaus Hargreeves: Yeah, me too. Cool.

Number Five: Truly happy for you, Viktor. But last time I checked, you don't speak for this family.

Vanya Hargreeves (to everyone): Thank God you're alive.

Klaus Hargreeves: Apparently, so is Ben.

Allison Hargreeves: Yeah. And he's a complete d*ckhead.

Diego Hargreeves: They're all d*ckheads.

Luther Hargreeves: D*ckheads who can fight.

Number Five: Okay, next person to say "d*ckhead" is getting a punch to the throat.

Allison Hargreeves: D*ckhead.

Luther Hargreeves: D*ckhead.

Klaus Hargreeves: D*ckhead.

Diego Hargreeves: D*ckhead.

Number Five: You're not supposed to exist in close proximity to yourself in the same timeline. The side effects can be disastrous.

Luther Hargreeves: Side effects? What sort of side effects?

Number Five: Well, according to Commission Handbook Chapter 27, subsection 3b, the seven stages in paradox psychosis are... stage one: denial, two: itching, three: extreme thirst and urination, four: excessive gas, five: acute paranoia, six: uncontrolled perspiration, and seven: homicidal rage.

(Number Five is explaining the new end of the world came back with them...)

Number Five: We have until Monday. We have six days.

Klaus Hargreeves: Is it Vanya?

Allison Hargreeves: Klaus!

Klaus Hargreeves: What? It's usually Vanya.

Number Five: Right now, our priority is finding Dad and getting answers, 'cause everything else depends on it.

Diego Hargreeves: Which, for the record, I found him already.

Number Five: And then let him go before we could have a meaningful conversation.

Diego Hargreeves: He stabbed me.

Number Five: I'm surprised he waited this long, Diego. We've all had the urge.

Lila Pitts: Good one.

Vanya Hargreeves: I can't help you, Five. I don't even know who I am.

Number Five: You're our sister. And a member of the Umbrella Academy. Like it or not, that's who you are.

Vanya Hargreeves: Look, that's who I was, okay? New timeline, new me.

Number Five: No, that's not how it work... (Vanya drives off and Luther gives him the finger) Wonder if it's too late to be un-adopted.

Number Five: The hell is wrong with you, Luther? I just told you the world's gonna end in ten days.

Luther Hargreeves: Yeah, well, you're always saying that.

Dancer: I'm more worried about the kid.

Luther Hargreeves: What kid?

Dancer: By the stage. I told him we don't allow minors.

Luther Hargreeves: Oh, yeah? And what'd he say?

Dancer: He asked what time I was getting off work. (laughs)

(Luther goes to the stage...)

Luther Hargreeves (to Five): She's too young for you.

Number Five: Nice to see you too, Luther.

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