Number Five Quotes

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Number Five: News flash, geniuses! It's not about us! Take a look around. If you hadn't noticed, there's no doomsday. There's no apocalypse. The sun is shining. Birds are doing whatever the hell birds do. That's all that matters. We're done messing with time. And I'm officially retired.

Viktor Hargreeves: So I, uh, talked to Marcus last night.

Diego Hargreeves: Wait, what? You talked with the enemy? By yourself?

Viktor Hargreeves: Somebody had to do something.

Diego Hargreeves: Who elected you, Vanya?

Viktor Hargreeves: It's, uh, Viktor.

Diego Hargreeves: Who's Viktor?

Viktor Hargreeves: I am. It's who I've always been. Uh, is that an issue for anyone?

Diego Hargreeves: Nah, I'm good with it.

Klaus Hargreeves: Yeah, me too. Cool.

Number Five: Truly happy for you, Viktor. But last time I checked, you don't speak for this family.

Vanya Hargreeves (to everyone): Thank God you're alive.

Klaus Hargreeves: Apparently, so is Ben.

Allison Hargreeves: Yeah. And he's a complete d*ckhead.

Diego Hargreeves: They're all d*ckheads.

Luther Hargreeves: D*ckheads who can fight.

Number Five: Okay, next person to say "d*ckhead" is getting a punch to the throat.

Allison Hargreeves: D*ckhead.

Luther Hargreeves: D*ckhead.

Klaus Hargreeves: D*ckhead.

Diego Hargreeves: D*ckhead.

Number Five: You're not supposed to exist in close proximity to yourself in the same timeline. The side effects can be disastrous.

Luther Hargreeves: Side effects? What sort of side effects?

Number Five: Well, according to Commission Handbook Chapter 27, subsection 3b, the seven stages in paradox psychosis are... stage one: denial, two: itching, three: extreme thirst and urination, four: excessive gas, five: acute paranoia, six: uncontrolled perspiration, and seven: homicidal rage.

(Number Five is explaining the new end of the world came back with them...)

Number Five: We have until Monday. We have six days.

Klaus Hargreeves: Is it Vanya?

Allison Hargreeves: Klaus!

Klaus Hargreeves: What? It's usually Vanya.

Number Five: Right now, our priority is finding Dad and getting answers, 'cause everything else depends on it.

Diego Hargreeves: Which, for the record, I found him already.

Number Five: And then let him go before we could have a meaningful conversation.

Diego Hargreeves: He stabbed me.

Number Five: I'm surprised he waited this long, Diego. We've all had the urge.

Lila Pitts: Good one.

Vanya Hargreeves: I can't help you, Five. I don't even know who I am.

Number Five: You're our sister. And a member of the Umbrella Academy. Like it or not, that's who you are.

Vanya Hargreeves: Look, that's who I was, okay? New timeline, new me.

Number Five: No, that's not how it work... (Vanya drives off and Luther gives him the finger) Wonder if it's too late to be un-adopted.

Number Five: The hell is wrong with you, Luther? I just told you the world's gonna end in ten days.

Luther Hargreeves: Yeah, well, you're always saying that.

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