Meredith Grey: Just for the record... you'd tell me if I need to get tested, right?
Derek Shepherd: You think I have syphilis?
Meredith Grey: No, I don't. It's just... We never made any rules or anything. I mean, we never said, "We have rules," and I wouldn't hold it against you.
Derek Shepherd: When would I have time to go out and get syphilis? You're a handful enough as it is, and besides, we're practically a condom ad.
Meredith Grey: But no more glow-in-the-dark ones.
Derek Shepherd: You see? There's nothing to worry about. Maybe we should, you know, make some rules, I mean.
Meredith Grey: We should.
Derek Shepherd: Just for the record... I like the glow-in-the-dark ones.
Meredith Grey (narration): Secrets can't hide in science. Medicine has a way of exposing the lies. Within the walls of the hospital, the truth is stripped bare. How we keep our secrets outside the hospital – well, that’s a little different. One thing is certain, whatever it is we're trying to hide; we're never ready for that moment when the truth gets naked. That's the problem with secrets – like misery, they love company. They pile up and up until they take over everything, until you don't have room for anything else, until you're so full of secrets you feel like you're going to burst. The thing people forget is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free. Whether good or bad, at least they're out in the open, like it or not. And once your secrets are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore. The problem with secrets is even when you think you're in control, you're not.
Meredith Grey (narration): You know how when you were a kid and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be – white dress, prince charming who’d carry you away to a castle on a hill. You’d lie in your bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, prince charming –they were so close you could taste them. But eventually you grow up and one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope and faith that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important that it's happy ever after. Just that it's happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you, and once in a while people may even take your breath away.
Meredith Grey (narration): OK. Anyone who says you can sleep when you die, tell them to come talk to me after a few months as an intern. Of course, it's not just the job that keeps us up all night. I mean, if life's so hard already, why do we bring more trouble down on ourselves? What's up with the need to hit the self-destruct button? Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know, maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.
Meredith Grey (narration): A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. “Never leave that till tomorrow,” he said, “Which you can do today.” This is the man who discovered electricity. You’d think more of us would listen to what he had to say. I don’t know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I’d say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure. Fear of pain. Fear of rejection. Sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you’re wrong? What if you make a mistake you can’t undo? Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true: that by the time the pain of not doing the thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it can feel like we're carrying around a giant tumor. And you thought I was speaking metaphorically. The early bird catches the worm; a stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to ‘seize the day'. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying.
Meredith Grey (narration): Remember when you were a kid and your biggest worry was, like, if you'd get a bike for your birthday or if you'd get to eat cookies for breakfast. Being an adult? Totally overrated. I mean seriously, don't be fooled by all the hot shoes and the great sex and the no parents anywhere telling you what to do. Adulthood is responsibility. Responsibility, it really does suck. Really, really sucks. Adults have to be places and do things and earn a living and pay the rent. And if you're training to be a surgeon, holding a human heart in your hands, hello? Talk about responsibility. Kind of makes bikes and cookies look really, really good, doesn't it? The scariest part about responsibility? When you screw up and let it slip right through your fingers. Responsibility. It really does suck. Unfortunately, once you get past the age of braces and training bras, responsibility doesn't go away. It can't be avoided. Either someone makes us face it or we suffer the consequences. And still adulthood has it perks. I mean the shoes, the sex, the no parents anywhere telling you what to do. That's, pretty damn good.
Meredith Grey (narration): Intimacy is a four syllable word for "Here is my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy." It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without. Intimacy also comes attached to life's three R's: relatives, romance, and roommates. There are some things you can't escape. And other things you just don't want to know. I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming, and I don't know how you fit it on a map. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. And as for rules, maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for yourself.
Cristina Yang: Kills you, doesn't it?
Alex Karev: What?
Cristina Yang: That two women caught the harvest.
Alex Karev: No, it kills me that anybody got the harvest but me. Boobs do not factor into this equation. Unless, uh, you want to show me yours.
Meredith Grey: I'm gonna become a lesbian.
Cristina Yang: Me too.
Meredith Grey: They're everywhere. All the time. Izzie's all perky, and George does this thing where he's helpful and considerate. They share food, and they say things, and they move things and they breathe. Ugh. They're, like, happy.
Cristina Yang: Kick them out.
Meredith Grey: I can't kick them out. They just moved in. I asked them to move in.
Cristina Yang: So what? You're just gonna repress everything in a deep, dark, twisted place until, one day, you snap and kill them?
Meredith Grey: Yep.
Cristina Yang: This is why we are friends.
Meredith Grey (narration): We live out our lives on the surgical unit. Seven days a week, fourteen hours a day. We're together more than we're apart. After a while - the ways of residency - become the ways of life. Number one: always keep score. Number two: do whatever you can to outsmart the other guy. Number three: Don't make friends with the enemy. Oh, and yeah, number four: everything, everything is a competition. Whoever said that winning wasn't everything never held a scalpel. There's another way to survive this competition. A way no one ever seems to tells you about. One you have to learn for yourself. Number five: it's not about the race at all. There are no winners or losers. Victories are counted by the number of lives saved. And once in a while, if you're smart, the life you save could be your own.
George O'Malley: You know what you need?
Meredith Grey: No. It's sick and twisted. We said last time was the last time. You've been doing it without me?
George O'Malley: Nancy Reagan lied. You can't just say no. Come on.
Meredith Grey: Do you know what would happen if anyone knew?
George O'Malley: I'm doing it. You can come with me, or you can stay here and be miserable.
(In next scene George and Meredith are looking at the newborn babies and George is babbling at them...)
Meredith Grey: You are such a woman.
Meredith Grey (narration): It's all about lines. The finish line at the end of residency, waiting in line for a chance at the operating table, and then, there's the most important line. The line separating you from the people you work with. It doesn't help to get too familiar. To make friends. You need boundaries between you and the rest of the world. Other people are far too messy. It's all about lines. Drawing lines in the sand, and praying like hell no one crosses them. At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your life, drawing lines, Or, you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross. But here's what I know. If you're willing to take the chance... the view from the other side is spectacular.
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