Mary Cooper: Shelly, if you don't mind me asking, what's your long-term plan here?
Sheldon Cooper: I'm working on the math to turn the garage into a self-sustaining ecosystem.
Mary Cooper: Okay. And what exactly does that mean?
Sheldon Cooper: Well, all I need is sunlight and a few seeds to grow unlimited food which I'll fertilize with my own feces.
Meemaw: This just gets better.
Mary Cooper: If you're not gonna help, please go inside. This is not a show.
Meemaw: Now that's where I disagree.
Mary Cooper: I'm so happy you're taking an interest in religion.
Sheldon Cooper: I am. And I've decided to explore other religions, too.
Mary Cooper: What's this, now?
Sheldon Cooper: Pastor Jeff encouraged me to approach religion scientifically, so it only makes sense to enlarge my database.
Mary Cooper: No, your database is Baptist. That's all the data you need. Baptist data.
George Cooper Sr.: What other religions you considering?
Sheldon Cooper: Buddhist, Jewish, Hindu, Catholic, all of them.
Mary Cooper: Nope. Nope. That's not happening.
Sheldon Cooper: Well, why? As an American, don't I have freedom of religion?
Meemaw (to Mary): Those dungeons and dragons are looking pretty good right now, aren't they?
Sheldon Cooper: I'm also looking into voodoo.
Meemaw: Maybe y'all are being a little selfish about this.
Mary Cooper: Selfish? We're thinking of him.
Meemaw: Well, that's all well and good, but maybe you should be thinking about the whole world. I mean, what if Einstein's parents had held him back? We wouldn't even have the... Well, I was gonna say atomic bomb, but there's probably a better example.
Sheldon Cooper: Statistically, always punting on fourth down makes no sense.
George Cooper Jr.: Statistically, you're a dumb-ass.
Sheldon Cooper: When the Aggies give up the ball on their own fiveyard line, the opposing team has a 92% chance of scoring. When they punt from deep in their own territory, the other team still has a 77% chance of scoring. But since they convert on fourth down 50% of the time, the math says they should never punt again.
Meemaw (to Mary): Okay, you can tell me, who's his real daddy?
Meemaw: I want to teach you somethin'. Look at your cards, and then look in the mirror.
Sheldon Cooper: Hey, I'm smiling.
Meemaw: Uh-huh. And what does that tell me about your cards?
Sheldon Cooper: That I like them?
Meemaw: Attaboy. Now... look at my face. Tell me what you see.
Sheldon Cooper: That you're old.
Meemaw: It's a good thing I love you.