10+ Best 'Kevin Ball' Quotes | Scattered Quotes

Kevin Ball Quotes

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(Mickey is in the Alibi for the first time since he came out...)

Kevin Ball: Mickey, have a seat, man. No one gives a sh*t who you bang. Let me buy you a beer. To butt buddies, long may they slam and slap.

Everyone in the bar: To butt buddies!

Mickey Milkovich (to Svetlana): You breathe a f**king word about what you think you know, I promise you your kid's gonna be an orphan.

Kevin Ball: Okay, hey. No domestic abuse. Take it outside like everyone else.

Kevin Ball: What if we advertise? Put an ad in Craigslist, one of those local business things?

Mickey Milkovich: Yeah, we can get some meth heads to hand out flyers and sh*t.

Veronica Fisher: And pay them how?

Mickey Milkovich: We don't. We just tell them we'll pay them. If they complain about it, we'll beat the sh*t out of them.

Kevin Ball: I'm gonna put this sign outside so people know to come in the back.

(Holds up the sign, so V can see it, it says "Cum this way")

Veronica Fisher: You realize that's not how you spell "come," right?

(Kevin looks at the sign all confused)

Lip Gallagher: Um... thanks for the beers, Kev.

Kevin Ball: Yeah, you're welcome.

Lip Gallagher: GFY.

Kevin Ball: Yeah, TGIF.

(V and Kev find out they're having triplets...)

Veronica Fisher: I'm having a damn litter!

Kevin Ball: Baby, you know what this means? I got a magic dick. I don't know whether to freak out, or thrust my almighty dick in everyone's face!

Veronica Fisher: You need to be freaking out. I'm having triplets!

Kevin Ball: Triplets! Triplets! (goes out to the hallway and tells everyone who walks by...): I got a magic penis, man. I got a magic penis!

Veronica Fisher: Would you shut the f**k up!?

Kevin Ball: I got a magic penis.

(V finds out her mother is 12 weeks pregnant...)

Carol Fisher: Honey, I promise, I didn't know!

Veronica Fisher: Please, you always know. You're like a walking pee stick!

Carol Fisher: Yeah, in the past, but this time...

Veronica Fisher: There is no "this time." You kept quiet 'cause you wanted to keep f**king my husband! (to couple sitting near): What the f**k are you looking at, huh? My husband f**ked my mother to get pregnant. Sorry we can't all have our baby the normal way!

Kevin Ball: Hey, what can I say? Once you go white, you always stay tight. Hey, I think I just insulted myself.

Fiona Gallagher: Jimmy doesn't seem angry exactly. He seems quiet.

Kevin Ball: Oh, god. Stop. Would you stop right there? We get quiet for one minute, and you guys think that we're obsessing about the relationship. And all we're thinking is, "I wonder if there's any more cheese."

Veronica Fisher: You mean we make you smarter than you are?

Kevin Ball: No, no, no. You make us more interested in you than we are.

Lip Gallagher: She's gotten hella clingy.

Kevin Ball: You rescued her cross-dressing sibling. You swashbuckled that sh*t, man. Seals the deal for a chick, I'm serious. Girls take that hero crap straight to the bank. She cook for you now? Fold your clothes?

Lip Gallagher: Sometimes.

Kevin Ball: She stay over more than four nights a week? Help you out with random stuff? Huh? Huh? Dude, you are ghetto married. Enjoy it. You get all the perks, no paperwork. Guys would kill for that setup.

Lip Gallagher: I kinda hate it.

Frank Gallagher: It's not sex if you can't remember it.

Kevin Ball: Well, then you're a virgin, Frank.

Kevin Ball: I thought you didn't want to have any kids.

Veronica Fisher: Based on what?

Kevin Ball: You saying how much you hate 'em.

Veronica Fisher: Yeah, other people's. But I might not mind having a baby Kev runnin' round.

Kevin Ball: A little "tomorrow person"?

Fiona Gallagher: What?

Kevin Ball: That's what I call little mixed-race babies: Tomorrow people. Little people of tomorrow.

Kevin Ball: You have any idea what time it is?

Steve: It's Frank. He's...

Veronica Fisher: Yo.

Kevin Ball: Frank, what did I tell you?!

Frank Gallagher: Here we go. Neighbors of Satan.

Kevin Ball: The day you start paying rent around here, Frank, like the rest of us, you can play whatever shit you want. But if you're gonna pump up this time of night, you're gonna pump out the stuff that we like, okay?

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