Kevin Ball Quotes

Kevin Ball: I’m gonna put this sign outside so people know to come in the back.

(Holds up the sign, so V can see it, it says “C*m this way”)

Veronica Fisher: You realize that’s not how you spell “come,” right?

(Kevin looks at the sign all confused)

(V and Kev find out they’re having triplets…)

Veronica Fisher: I’m having a damn litter!

Kevin Ball: Baby, you know what this means? I got a magic dick. I don’t know whether to freak out, or thrust my almighty dick in everyone’s face!

Veronica Fisher: You need to be freaking out. I’m having triplets!

Kevin Ball: Triplets! Triplets! (goes out to the hallway and tells everyone who walks by…): I got a magic p*nis, man. I got a magic p*nis!

Veronica Fisher: Would you shut the f**k up!?

Kevin Ball: I got a magic p*nis.

(V finds out her mother is 12 weeks pregnant…)

Carol Fisher: Honey, I promise, I didn’t know!

Veronica Fisher: Please, you always know. You’re like a walking pee stick!

Carol Fisher: Yeah, in the past, but this time…

Veronica Fisher: There is no “this time.” You kept quiet ’cause you wanted to keep f**king my husband! (to couple sitting near): What the f**k are you looking at, huh? My husband f**ked my mother to get pregnant. Sorry we can’t all have our baby the normal way!

Kevin Ball: Hey, what can I say? Once you go white, you always stay tight. Hey, I think I just insulted myself.

Kevin Ball: I thought you didn’t want to have any kids.

Veronica Fisher: Based on what?

Kevin Ball: You saying how much you hate ’em.

Veronica Fisher: Yeah, other people’s. But I might not mind having a baby Kev runnin’ round.

Kevin Ball: A little “tomorrow person”?

Fiona Gallagher: What?

Kevin Ball: That’s what I call little mixed-race babies: Tomorrow people. Little people of tomorrow.