20+ Best 'John Watson' Quotes | Page 2 of 2 | Scattered Quotes

John Watson Quotes

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Mary Watson: You should have seen the state of the front room. It was like The Exorcist.

John Watson: Huh. Was Rosie’s head spinning round?

Mary Watson: No. Just the projectile vomiting.

John Watson: Nice!

Mary Watson: Now, you think we’d have noticed, when she was born.

John Watson: Hmm? Noticed what?

Mary Watson: The little 666 on her forehead.

John Watson: Hmm, that’s The Omen.

Mary Watson: So?

John Watson: Well, you said it was like The Exorcist. They’re two different things. She can’t be the devil and the Antichrist.

Mary Watson: Yeah, can’t she?

Sherlock Holmes (about Toby, the dog): Keep up, he’s fast.

(second later…)

John Watson: He’s not moving.

Sherlock Holmes: He’s thinking.

John Watson: He’s really not moving.

Sherlock Holmes: Slow but sure, John, not dissimilar to yourself.

John Watson: You just like this dog, don’t you?

Sherlock Holmes: Well, I like you.

Mary Watson: He’s still not moving.

Sherlock Holmes: Fascinating.

Mary Watson: Oh!

John Watson: Hang on, Mary’s better than me?

Sherlock Holmes: Well, she is a retired super-agent with a terrifying skill-set. Of course she’s better.

John Watson: Yeah, OK.

Sherlock Holmes: Nothing personal.

John Watson: What, so I’m supposed to just go home now, am I?

Mary Watson: What do you think, Sherlock? Shall we take him with us?

Sherlock Holmes: John or the dog?

John Watson: Ha-ha, that’s funny!

Mary Watson: John.

Sherlock Holmes: Well…

Mary Watson: He’s handy and loyal.

John Watson: That’s hilarious. Is it too early for a divorce?

Sherlock Holmes (about Greg’s date): Trust me, though, she’s not right for you.

Greg Lestrade: What?

Sherlock Holmes: She’s not the one.

Greg Lestrade: Well, thank you, Mystic Meg.

John Watson: How do you work all that out?

Sherlock Holmes: She’s got three children in Rio that he doesn’t know about.

John Watson: Are you just making this up?

Sherlock Holmes: Possibly.

Sherlock Holmes: I can’t stand it, never can. There’s a loose thread in the world.

John Watson: It doesn’t mean you have to pull on it.

Sherlock Holmes: What kind of a life would that be?

Mrs Welsborough (about Sherlock): Is your friend quite mad?

John Watson: No, he’s an arsehole, but it’s an easy mistake.

Mary Watson (about a case): And what are you going to call this one?

John Watson: Oh, the Ghost Driver.

Sherlock Holmes: Don’t give it a title.

John Watson: People like the titles.

Sherlock Holmes: They hate the titles.

John Watson: Give the people what they want.

Sherlock Holmes: No, never do that – people are stupid.

Greg Lestrade: You’re at the beck and call of a screaming, demanding baby, woken up at all hours to obey its every whim. Must feel very different…

Sherlock Holmes: Sorry, what?

John Watson: Yes, well, you know how it is. All you do is clean up their mess, pat them on the head.

Sherlock Holmes: Are you two having a little joke?

John Watson: Never a word of thanks. Can’t even tell people’s faces apart.

Sherlock Holmes: This is a joke, isn’t it?

Greg Lestrade: Yeah, and it’s all, “Oh, aren’t you clever. You’re so, so clever.”

Sherlock Holmes: Is it about me?

Greg Lestrade: I think he needs winding.

John Watson: You know, I think that really might be it.

Sherlock Holmes: No, don’t get it.

Sherlock Holmes: Take all the credit. It gets boring if I just solve them all.

Greg Lestrade: Yeah, you say that, but then John blogs about it, and you get all the credit anyway.

John Watson: He’s got a point.

Greg Lestrade: Which makes me look like some kind of prima Donna who insists on getting credit for something he didn’t do!

John Watson: Well, I think you’ve hit a sore spot, Sherlock.

Greg Lestrade: Like I’m some kind of credit junkie.

John Watson: Definitely a sore spot.

John Watson (to Sherlock): Godfather, we’d like you to be godfather.

Sherlock Holmes: God is a ludicrous fiction, dreamt up by inadequates who abnegate all responsibility to an invisible magic friend.

John Watson: Yeah, but there’ll be cake. Will you do it?

Sherlock Holmes: I’ll get back to you.

John Watson: A jellyfish?

Sherlock Holmes: I know.

John Watson: You can’t arrest a jellyfish.

Sherlock Holmes: You could try.

John Watson: We did try.

‘The Duplicate Man – How could Dennis Parkinson be in two places at the same time? And murder one of them?’

John Watson: Sherlock…

Sherlock Holmes: It’s never twins.