Mary Watson: You should have seen the state of the front room. It was like The Exorcist.
John Watson: Huh. Was Rosie’s head spinning round?
Mary Watson: No. Just the projectile vomiting.
John Watson: Nice!
Mary Watson: Now, you think we’d have noticed, when she was born.
John Watson: Hmm? Noticed what?
Mary Watson: The little 666 on her forehead.
John Watson: Hmm, that’s The Omen.
Mary Watson: So?
John Watson: Well, you said it was like The Exorcist. They’re two different things. She can’t be the devil and the Antichrist.
Mary Watson: Yeah, can’t she?
Sherlock Holmes (about Toby, the dog): Keep up, he’s fast.
John Watson: He’s not moving.
Sherlock Holmes: He’s thinking.
John Watson: He’s really not moving.
Sherlock Holmes: Slow but sure, John, not dissimilar to yourself.
John Watson: You just like this dog, don’t you?
Sherlock Holmes: Well, I like you.
Mary Watson: He’s still not moving.
Sherlock Holmes: Fascinating.
Mary Watson: Oh!
John Watson: Hang on, Mary’s better than me?
Sherlock Holmes: Well, she is a retired super-agent with a terrifying skill-set. Of course she’s better.
John Watson: Yeah, OK.
Sherlock Holmes: Nothing personal.
John Watson: What, so I’m supposed to just go home now, am I?
Mary Watson: What do you think, Sherlock? Shall we take him with us?
Sherlock Holmes: John or the dog?
John Watson: Ha-ha, that’s funny!
Mary Watson: John.
Sherlock Holmes: Well…
Mary Watson: He’s handy and loyal.
John Watson: That’s hilarious. Is it too early for a divorce?
Sherlock Holmes (about Greg’s date): Trust me, though, she’s not right for you.
Greg Lestrade: What?
Sherlock Holmes: She’s not the one.
Greg Lestrade: Well, thank you, Mystic Meg.
John Watson: How do you work all that out?
Sherlock Holmes: She’s got three children in Rio that he doesn’t know about.
John Watson: Are you just making this up?
Sherlock Holmes: Possibly.
Mary Watson (about a case): And what are you going to call this one?
John Watson: Oh, the Ghost Driver.
Sherlock Holmes: Don’t give it a title.
John Watson: People like the titles.
Sherlock Holmes: They hate the titles.
John Watson: Give the people what they want.
Sherlock Holmes: No, never do that – people are stupid.
Greg Lestrade: You’re at the beck and call of a screaming, demanding baby, woken up at all hours to obey its every whim. Must feel very different…
Sherlock Holmes: Sorry, what?
John Watson: Yes, well, you know how it is. All you do is clean up their mess, pat them on the head.
Sherlock Holmes: Are you two having a little joke?
John Watson: Never a word of thanks. Can’t even tell people’s faces apart.
Sherlock Holmes: This is a joke, isn’t it?
Greg Lestrade: Yeah, and it’s all, “Oh, aren’t you clever. You’re so, so clever.”
Sherlock Holmes: Is it about me?
Greg Lestrade: I think he needs winding.
John Watson: You know, I think that really might be it.
Sherlock Holmes: No, don’t get it.
Sherlock Holmes: Take all the credit. It gets boring if I just solve them all.
Greg Lestrade: Yeah, you say that, but then John blogs about it, and you get all the credit anyway.
John Watson: He’s got a point.
Greg Lestrade: Which makes me look like some kind of prima Donna who insists on getting credit for something he didn’t do!
John Watson: Well, I think you’ve hit a sore spot, Sherlock.
Greg Lestrade: Like I’m some kind of credit junkie.
John Watson: Definitely a sore spot.