Debbie Gallagher: Ugh, I lost the shiv Carl made for me. Melted toothbrush, duct tape handle...
Ian Gallagher: Why do you need a shiv?
Debbie Gallagher: In case I run into my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend.
(Mickey finds the shiv.)
Debbie Gallagher: Oh, there it is.
Mandy Milkovich: That a shiv?
Debbie Gallagher: Yep. Later.
Ian Gallagher: 13 years old, she's bringing a shiv to class.
Mickey Milkovich: Man, I miss high school.
(Ian tells a story how he tried to steal a helicopter...)
Carl Gallagher: You shoot anyone?
Ian Gallagher: I never left basic.
Carl Gallagher: You can't shoot anyone there?
Ian Gallagher: You can. I didn't.
Carl Gallagher: You shot no one. You flew nothing. Why'd you even go there in the first place?
Ian Gallagher: Relationship issues.
(Ian is taking a shower in the Milkovich house, Svetlana comes in with a hammer...)
Svetlana Yevgenivna: I have baby soon. I can not work.
Ian Gallagher: Jeez.
Svetlana Yevgenivna: He must take care of me and baby. You go. We do not need you. You sleep here tonight in this house? I kill you. I bash your orange head.
Ian Gallagher: Mm-hmm.
Svetlana Yevgenivna: Vy ponimayete!?
Ian Gallagher: Yeah.
Lip Gallagher: Glad to see you out of bed. Thought we were gonna have to put you on a suicide watch, take away your shoelaces and bed sheets.
Ian Gallagher: No need. Moved on. How many times you gotta hear no, right?
Lip Gallagher: Yeah. Well, uh, I guess the good thing about falling for Mickey Milkovich is you know you can always find someone better.
(Police is arresting Carl...)
Police officer: We're taking your son in for questioning.
Frank Gallagher: He didn't do the heist. I did. You see? Shiny, but a little bit big. I also got a boatload of electronics. Those sold fast. Did you know Chicago has several 24-hour pawn shops? He didn't... He's innocent. I forced him to give me the code. Didn't I, son? Tell him. Oh, my God. He's dumber than a bag of hair. He couldn't pull off a Band-Aid, much less a robbery. Okay, here, cuff me before I get disorderly. Be brave, son. Order room service.
Ian Gallagher: What happened?
Lip Gallagher: Hell froze over.
(Ian gets drunk at Mickey's wedding...)
Ian Gallagher: He did it. He got married. To a woman.
Lip Gallagher: Ian, I told you not to come here, okay?
Ian Gallagher: You try sitting on your a$$ while the person you love... No, I'm sorry, I mean the guy you've been f**king... gets married to some random commie sk*nk! F**king commie!
(Lip drags him away...)
Ian Gallagher: You're not going through with this, are you?
Mickey Milkovich: Why you acting like I got a choice in this?
Ian Gallagher: This is bullsh*t. Listen to me, Mickey. Your dad is an evil psychotic prick! You're gonna just let him ruin your life!?
Mickey Milkovich: You can grow the f*ck up. Don't act like you know about my dad!
Ian Gallagher: Are you kidding me?
Mickey Milkovich: Not everybody gets to just... Not everybody just gets to blurt out how they f**king feel every minute.
Ian Gallagher: You call me a punk for wanting a boyfriend... but you're gonna marry someone who screws guys for a living!?
Mickey Milkovich: Who gives a sh*t? It's a f**king piece of paper.
Ian Gallagher: Not to me.
Mickey Milkovich: Hey. Come on. Look. Just because I'm getting hitched doesn't mean we can't still bang. Okay? All right?
Ian Gallagher: If you give half a sh*t about me...
Mickey Milkovich: Hey, hey.
Ian Gallagher: Half... don't do this.
Ian Gallagher: That wh*re that Mickey's marrying... is an actual wh*re that works at Garden Springs Spa.
Lip Gallagher: Family discounts on Handy J's.
Ian Gallagher: Terry made Mickey f*ck her to f**k the gay out of him.
Lip Gallagher: What? When?
Ian Gallagher: After he caught us together.
Lip Gallagher: Dude, how did I not know this sh*t?
Ian Gallagher: I didn't tell you.
Lip Gallagher: I don't know, did it work?
Ian Gallagher: I mean, he might have... faked it once or twice, but he wants to be with me. I know what he felt with me. You can't fake that. And now this chick is pregnant.
Lip Gallagher: Ian. My brother. You need to get out there and f**k someone new, okay? And someone in his early 20s, not some old dude like Kash or Ned.
Ian Gallagher: F**k you. (laughs)