George Cooper Sr.: Let me tell you about my day. I got yelled at by the principal for benching a linebacker who's flunking English. Then I got yelled at even more by the kid's parents. Then I had to break up a fight in the locker room. Got elbowed in the neck.
Sheldon Cooper: That's a rough day.
George Cooper Sr.: That was all before 10:00 a.m. So I get what you're going through. But you'll notice, I didn't come home and take it out on you.
Sheldon Cooper: No, you didn't.
George Cooper Sr.: I want you to get back in there, apologize to everyone, and finish your dinner.
Sheldon Cooper: Yes, sir.
Sheldon Cooper (narration): My father's wisdom touched me deeply. Which is why, to this day, no matter what I'm going through, I am never irritating or abusive to any of my friends or loved ones. Ask them. They'll tell you.
Meemaw: Maybe having this mutt next door won't be so bad. Shelly could end up getting used to it.
George Cooper Sr.: That's true. Remember when he got all freaked out by the fruit at the bottom of yogurt? Now he eats it no problem.
Mary Cooper: He still makes me stir it.
Meemaw: Maybe you could start out with a small pet, and work your way up. Like a turtle.
Mary Cooper: He says they carry salmonella.
Meemaw: A gerbil?
Mary Cooper: Apparently, they caused the plague.
Georgie Cooper: What about a bird?
George Cooper Sr.: Oh, I know that one. They'll steal his hair to make a nest.
George Cooper Sr.: Morning, Herschel.
Herschel Sparks: Hey, George. Uh, you didn't see a dog wandering around here, did you?
George Cooper Sr.: No. Y'all get a dog?
Herschel Sparks: Uh, sort of. We took him in after my brother-in-law had to go live in a gated community.
George Cooper Sr.: Oh, that sounds nice, uh, they got a no pets policy?
Herschel Sparks: He's in jail, George.
George Cooper Sr.: The little Sparks girl?
Mary Cooper: You're kidding. She seems so sweet.
Georgie Cooper: He says she slaps him around, takes his lunch money. She even put a tadpole down his shirt.
Meemaw: Poor kid, he tucks in those shirts.
(They go spy on her through the fence)
Mary Cooper: She looks harmless.
Meemaw: She's cute. So she probably gets away with stuff. I'm like that.