George Cooper Sr. Quotes

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George Cooper Sr.: Let me tell you about my day. I got yelled at by the principal for benching a linebacker who's flunking English. Then I got yelled at even more by the kid's parents. Then I had to break up a fight in the locker room. Got elbowed in the neck.

Sheldon Cooper: That's a rough day.

George Cooper Sr.: That was all before 10:00 a.m. So I get what you're going through. But you'll notice, I didn't come home and take it out on you.

Sheldon Cooper: No, you didn't.

George Cooper Sr.: I want you to get back in there, apologize to everyone, and finish your dinner.

Sheldon Cooper: Yes, sir.

Sheldon Cooper (narration): My father's wisdom touched me deeply. Which is why, to this day, no matter what I'm going through, I am never irritating or abusive to any of my friends or loved ones. Ask them. They'll tell you.

George Cooper Sr.: I know you're worried, but... he needs to experience the world a little bit. Why not let him do it when most of it's asleep?

Mary Cooper: I suppose you're right.

Meemaw: Maybe having this mutt next door won't be so bad. Shelly could end up getting used to it.

George Cooper Sr.: That's true. Remember when he got all freaked out by the fruit at the bottom of yogurt? Now he eats it no problem.

Mary Cooper: He still makes me stir it.

Meemaw: Maybe you could start out with a small pet, and work your way up. Like a turtle.

Mary Cooper: He says they carry salmonella.

Meemaw: A gerbil?

Mary Cooper: Apparently, they caused the plague.

Georgie Cooper: What about a bird?

George Cooper Sr.: Oh, I know that one. They'll steal his hair to make a nest.

George Cooper Sr.: Morning, Herschel.

Herschel Sparks: Hey, George. Uh, you didn't see a dog wandering around here, did you?

George Cooper Sr.: No. Y'all get a dog?

Herschel Sparks: Uh, sort of. We took him in after my brother-in-law had to go live in a gated community.

George Cooper Sr.: Oh, that sounds nice, uh, they got a no pets policy?

Herschel Sparks: He's in jail, George.

Meemaw: There's something about him. I mean, he's smart as hell, and gentle and funny. Not always on purpose, but he's funny. I never met anybody like him.

George Cooper Sr.: Sounds like Sheldon.

Meemaw: Now, why would you go and put that thought in my mind?

George Cooper Sr.: Did you understand any of it? (Theoretical physics lecture)

Meemaw: Not a word. But he had on a tweed jacket with the elbow patches, so he must know what he's talking about.

Georgie Cooper: Hey, now that you're treating him like an adult, can I have his allowance?

George Cooper Sr.: That allowance is for chores, which you already don't do.

Georgie Cooper: Come on. We all know I'm your favorite.

Meemaw: You're not even his third favorite.

George Cooper Sr.: The little Sparks girl?

Mary Cooper: You're kidding. She seems so sweet.

Georgie Cooper: He says she slaps him around, takes his lunch money. She even put a tadpole down his shirt.

Meemaw: Poor kid, he tucks in those shirts.

(They go spy on her through the fence)

Mary Cooper: She looks harmless.

Meemaw: She's cute. So she probably gets away with stuff. I'm like that.

Georgie Cooper: What are you doing?

George Cooper Sr.: Separating the whites from the colors.

Georgie Cooper: Whoa, that's racist.

George Cooper Sr.: How did I get a rocket scientist for one son and a rodeo clown for the other?

George Cooper Sr.: 'Cause if I do, it sets a bad precedent.

Georgie Cooper: What's Nixon got to do with it?

George Cooper Sr.: What?

Georgie Cooper: You said "bad president," like Nixon.

Mary Cooper: He's nine years old.

George Cooper Sr.: Oh, come on, you can't measure him in Earth years.

George Cooper Sr.: Sheldon forged a letter to get out of P.E.?

Mary Cooper: Looks like it.

George Cooper Sr.: How about that.

Mary Cooper: Don't be proud of him.

George Cooper Sr.: Can't help it. First time he ever seemed like my kid.

Mary Cooper: You're a good dad.

George Cooper Sr.: If I don't kill one of them before Sunday, I'm a good dad.

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