Crowley, Anthony J. Quotes

Crowley: Angel! This is the Supreme Archangel of all Heaven, your former boss who tried very hard to cast you into hellfire and destroy you. He’s not our friend.

Aziraphale: I don’t think he really has any friends.

Crowley: Exactly.

Aziraphale: Yes, exactly.

Crowley: What does your exactly mean, exactly? I feel like your exactly and my exactly are different exactlies.

Aziraphale: He doesn’t have any friends so he needs us.

Crowley: What I need is for him is to be nowhere near me and the precious peaceful fragile existence that I have carved out for myself here.

Aziraphale: I thought we carved it out for ourselves.

Crowley: So did I!

Aziraphale: I think I may have just started a war.

Crowley: Oh! Hell will love that.

Crowley: Let me tempt you to a spot of lunch?

Aziraphale: Temptation accomplished. Hmm… What about the Ritz? I believe a table for two has just miraculously come free.

Crowley: You can stay at my place, if you like.

Aziraphale: I don’t think my side would like that.

Crowley: You don’t have a side anymore. Neither of us do. We’re on our own side.

Aziraphale: It’s all worked out for the best, though. Just imagine how awful it might have been if we’d been at all competent.

Crowley: Point taken.

Aziraphale: We are here to lick some serious butt.

Crowley: “Kick”, Aziraphale. It’s “kick butt”. For Heaven’s sake. Oh! I can’t believe I just said that.

Aziraphale: You can’t leave, Crowley. There isn’t anywhere to go.

Crowley: It’s a big universe. Even if this all ends up in a puddle of burning goo, we can go off together.

Aziraphale: Go off together? Listen to yourself.

Crowley: How long have we been friends? Six thousand years!

Aziraphale: Friends? We’re not friends. We are an angel and a demon. We have nothing whatsoever in common. I don’t even like you.

Crowley: You do.

Na*zi spy: Mr Anthony J. Crowley. Your fame precedes you.

Aziraphale: Anthony?

Crowley: You don’t like it?

Aziraphale: No, no, I didn’t say that. I’ll get used to it. What does the “J” stand for?

Crowley: It’s just a “J”, really.

Crowley: If it all goes wrong, I want insurance.

Aziraphale: What?

Crowley: I wrote it down. Walls have ears. Well, not walls. Trees have ears. Ducks have ears. Do ducks have ears? Must do. That’s how they hear other ducks.

Aziraphale: We may have both started off as angels, but you are fallen.

Crowley: I didn’t really fall. I just, you know… sauntered vaguely downwards.