Catherine the Great Quotes

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Peter (to Catherine): My father used to say when a woman wants to kill you, you're in business.

(Leaves the room and locks Catherine inside...)

Georgina: How did the love fest go?

Peter: Bit angry about Leo, but the cake was a hit. Voltaire was boring, but she seemed excited, so on balance, a victory.

Catherine: Let me out, you f*cker!

Peter: She will calm.

Catherine: I'm going to f**king kill you!

Peter: Oh... She is a firecracker. I have never loved her more.

Peter: Catherine... I look at you on your twentieth birthday, a woman of substance. A woman par exemple. Of wise thought and deed, dedicated to the pursuit of a better Russia. A better world. Your lips, that speak so wisely, your eyes that see the world in a way no one else does. Your head fizzing with original ideas. Your heart filled with a powerful love for life. And hopefully for me. Happy birthday, my darling wife.

Catherine: You wrote that?

Peter: Volti helped me a little. But mostly me.

Catherine: Thank you. It was actually very touching.

Catherine: I look at you all... and my heart breaks. For your pain. For your sorrows. But I also see, externally... signs of what we all carry inside us, every day... and is normally unseen. Wounds. Pain. Hardships. Betrayals. And also love. For today, you are all as one. And when you look at each other, recognize it. Understand, we are all Russians. In our pain, and in our sorrows. In our simple hopes for less pain... and less wounded future. For a future where our hearts sing, and rush with joy at the country we build. One where we trust in each other, knowing we are bonded by our love for Russia. And our joy in a brand new future. Huzzah.

Catherine: Last night, the Emperor talked in his sleep, and he cracked what seemed impossible.

Peter: I did? I did.

Catherine: For the thing is, you must both leave here with a victory. So we shall both have one. There are two battles in stasis. Instead of unleashing them, we both walk away. Russia claims a massive victory in Vyborg, you in Hango. We use the press and the pulpit to disseminate it. The first lie wins, I've come to understand. We will use that for good. Once you put out the story, it will be what people believe. Any sniping at it will be unpatriotic. We then announce the treaty. To each people, it looks like a win. We each agree not to contradict the other, and each country only refers to the battle they won, and ignores the other. The map reverts to its per‐war state, giving Russia back its land. We get the trade embargo lifted. We put this behind us. We are all winners.

Queen Agnes: Except for the 118 thousand dead.

Catherine: And 180 for us. We cannot bring them back. As the Emperor movingly mumbled in his sleep last night.

King Hugo: He said that?

Peter: I did. This is my plan. I believe it works for both of us. Do we have a deal?

King Hugo: We do.

Peter: Huzzah. Victory for all.

Catherine (narration): The raw power of art... Once your mind fires, your heart's moved. Ideas open, and the warriors are the people themselves. You can cut a man's head off, or you can change what's in a man's head. Do the latter, you have a warrior for your cause. Do the former, you have... a head with a lot of blood pouring out. Sometimes I'm so f**king clever, I have to take a breath not to become dizzy.

Catherine: What if I had become Empress? If he had died. What do you think would have happened?

Leo: To us?

Catherine: To Russia. You think I would be good?

Leo: I think you would be exceptional, as you are.

Catherine: I turned out not exceptional. Not who I wish to be.

Leo: We are always not quite as good as we wish. As capable, as bright. It is the human way to fall short of ourselves. For our thoughts can be untouched by a hard reality, whereas our bodies and souls must bump against the world, and the world will even up the equation over who we are.

Catherine: You may, unfortunately, be right.

Elizabeth: I have these sticks from Asia. They are to enhance your fertility, but I cannot work out whether we wave them over your womb or insert them into you.

Catherine: I'm pretty sure it's a "wave them" situation.

Peter: My spies tell me you have kept Leo as your lover.

Catherine: I did.

Peter: So?

Catherine: So?

Peter: "Thank you, husband. You were right after all, with your impeccable judgment, good looks, and massive c*ck."

Catherine: Thank you, husband. You were right after all, with your impeccable fudgement, good socks, and massive clock. Is that it?

Peter: No, it was... Close enough.

Catherine: If you did this, you would be a different man. You would be a man who had been on fire all this time... but finally, one day, let himself take the lid off, and let the fire burn away the fear, and leave him raw and ready to do what it took to join hands with me. And we would transform this country, and die, if needs be, in the process. But we would happily die, knowing we lived as we should. You would be that man.

Orlo: I can't.

Catherine: I saw a small man and imagined something bigger. I apologize, sir.

Peter: I think I was angry because no one has ever not liked me.

Catherine: Or at least, they're pretending to.

Peter: Hmm. Toosh.

Catherine: What?

Peter: Toosh.

Catherine: Do you mean touché?

Peter: What, is it not toosh?

Catherine: No. Touché.

Peter: See. That's great. How smart you are.

Marial: What if your vision of the bear, and the great love, your heart filled and glowing, what if that great love was Russia itself? Not Peter.

(Marial leaves the room...)

Catherine: Huzzah.

Catherine: Ever since I was a child, I felt like greatness was in store for me. A great life, I felt. Like God himself had spat me forth to land on this Earth and in some way transform it. That I was here for a reason, a purpose.

Marial: Why did He make you a woman, then?

Catherine: For comedy, I guess.

(Catherine is trying to commit suicide, but can't make herself quite do it...)

Marial: Would you like a cake with that knife, Empress?

Catherine: Do not try to stop me. Just leave me be.

Marial: I would not presume to speak. For the empress is so smart, and book readingly, that I'm sure her judgment is sound.

Catherine: I am resolved.

Marial: Vlad will get a bucket for the blood.

Vlad: Yes, miss.

Catherine: There is no other way. I am a prisoner here.

Marial: Indeed.

Catherine: Married to an idiot.

(Moment later...)

Marial: Towels, too, Vlad. There may be some overflow.

(Later...)

Marial: I will get coins to place on your eyes.

Marial: Are you ready for tonight? You do know what to expect?

Catherine: You suppose me more naive than I am. My mother has explained everything.

Marial: She has?

Catherine: The man caresses you softly, pressing his lips to yours. Your breasts and skin awaken and shiver with palpitating joy. Between your legs quivers and moistens with longing. He enters you and you become one. Your bodies meld, your souls mesh. As a sensation takes hold of you, you fall into a black sky filled with the shiniest of stars. You float for a time in ecstasy, before waves of pleasure push and pull you back into your body. Your body ushers forth yelps, and sometimes song, before he and you explode within, collapsing together, spent and unified. Then, you lay together, laughing softly, weeping occasionally with ecstatic joy, and finally, he wraps his arms around you, whispers poetry softly into your ear, and you fall into a... delicious sleep.

Marial: Yep, that's pretty much it.

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