Rajesh Koothrappali: If you like fixing people, I could use some help.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Raj. Why do you think you stopped wearing Crocs and socks?
Rajesh Koothrappali: Uh, well, one day I just woke up and realized they looked silly.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Yes, you did. All on your own. (whispers to Howard): That's how good I am.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: I can't believe Penny doesn't want to head up my sales team.
Rajesh Koothrappali: That's too bad. But it's her decision, not yours.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Do you hear how dumb you sound?
Rajesh Koothrappali: Why does this matter to you so much?
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Because I believe in her, and I make people better. It's what I do.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Against their will?
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: It's no fun if they want to. That's just called watching. Look at Howard. He was a disaster when I met him. Now he's a foxy astronaut with a hot wife.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Wait, he always wanted to be an astronaut.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: He thinks that, too. That's how good I am.
Penny Hofstadter: I'd be in charge of people that are far more educated with more experience; what if they don't listen to me?
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Then you be really mean to them. Have I taught you nothing? Penny, everybody feels like you do. Like they're not good enough, not smart enough.
Penny Hofstadter: What, even you?
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Of course.
(Assistant enters the room...)
Assistant: Dr. Rostenkowski, you wanted me...
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Hey, did they not teach knocking at Stanford? Get out! (he runs away) I love that kid.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Howie, shh.
Howard Wolowitz: What?
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: You can't bad-mouth Anu. They're gonna get back together, and you're gonna look like a jerk. I mean, remember when we broke up, and Penny said all those mean things about you?
Howard Wolowitz: What did she say?
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: I don't want to get into it. Some of it was hurtful, most of it was true.
(Penny explains to others what not to say infront of Amy and Sheldon to not make them upset...)
Penny Hofstadter: We should just try and avoid anything that makes them think of their project or science or Nobel Prizes or successes or failures.
(Amy and Sheldon walk in...)
Amy Farrah Fowler: What are you guys doing?
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Nothing.
Sheldon Cooper: Nothing? Like what my career has come to? Thanks a lot.
(Sheldon storms out of the room)
Howard Wolowitz: Nice going.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Man, that is one hot weather girl.
Howard Wolowitz: How come if I say that I get in trouble?
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: You want to say it? You can say it.
Howard Wolowitz: Nice try. You're gonna have to find some other way to not have sex with me tonight. And it's not weather girl, it's weather woman.
Penny Hofstadter: You know, when my yoga instructor was pregnant, she told me there are tons of poses that put her right into labor.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: I'll try, but I feel like bendy poses are what got me into this mess.
Penny Hofstadter: Okay, we're gonna start with some nice breathing exercises.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Sorry. I can't think of anything except how flat your belly is.
Penny Hofstadter: Oh, thank you.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Go put on some more clothes, you b*tch.
Rajesh Koothrappali: You don't know what this little boy's gonna be like. Maybe he'll be rough and tumble, or maybe he'll be sweet and sensitive, or maybe he'll be all those things, like me.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: You're rough and tumble?
Rajesh Koothrappali: You bet I am, b*tch. But I'm also sensitive and regret saying that.