Amenadiel: All that I am saying is that this alliance with Pierce will not end well.
Lucifer Morningstar: Well, one can only hope. And all I'm saying is that if you continue to meddle, Amenadiel... then you will be in my way.
Amenadiel: Well, then, Brother.
Lucifer Morningstar: Yes.
Amenadiel: I guess I'll be in your way.
Amenadiel: I know that my Father is punishing you because you killed your own brother.
Marcus Pierce: Yeah, notice anyone else in here who plotted to kill his own brother?
Amenadiel: No, that was different.
Marcus Pierce: Well, it was only different 'cause you failed.
Amenadiel: We are nothing alike.
Marcus Pierce: Yeah, you're right. At least I had the balls to do it myself. You pawned the task off on someone else, you're worse. And if this is the punishment that I get for my crimes, what do you deserve?
Amenadiel: You know, I just don't understand it. I've never had a human illness before. But sore throat, itchy eyes, a fever... Is it a cold? The flu?
Doctor: It's chlamydia.
Amenadiel: Excuse me?
Doctor: It's a sexually transmitted disease.
Amenadiel: Right, but I can't have chlamydia. I'm an angel.
Doctor: Not to worry. A round of antibiotics and you'll be back to your, uh, angelic ways.
Lucifer Morningstar: Of course it'll work, Brother. That's why you asked me, remember? Someone crafty, smart...
Amenadiel: And evil.
Lucifer Morningstar: Evil?
Amenadiel: Well, if you want to find a deplorable criminal, you just ask a... well, you know what I mean, Luci. Come on. You are the Devil, after all.
Amenadiel: Is it... weird for... us to be friends?
Linda Martin: No. Of course not. I mean, can't a... Can't a woman be friends with a... with a brilliant, tall, gorgeous angel?
Amenadiel: Well, can't an angel be friends with a... amazing, accomplished... beautiful, and passionate woman? (They kiss)
Linda Martin: Um... I can't. This is a mistake.
Amenadiel: Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm so sorry, Linda. (They kiss again)
Lucifer Morningstar: There was this, uh, soul that I used to torture back in Hell. And like a good masochist, he'd call the shots. "Burn me." "Freeze me." "Hurt me." So, I did. And this went on for centuries until one day, for some reason, he missed his daily punishment. And when I returned... he was crying. "Please, my king," he said. "Don't ever forget me again. I promise I'll be good." It was then that I realized he was so full of self-loathing, void of any self-respect, that no matter the depth of my cruelty, whatever miniscule attention I paid... gave meaning to his... pointless existence.
Amenadiel: Why are you telling me this?
Lucifer Morningstar: Because he reminds me of you. And you think I've changed? You... the former angel, powerless and pathetic, a disgraced failure with no better way to spend your days than yipping at my heels for scraps to remind you of a time of when you once mattered.