Mobius: If you think too hard about where any of us came from, who we truly are, it sounds kinda ridiculous. Existence is chaos. Nothing makes any sense, so we try to make some sense of it. And I'm just lucky that the chaos I emerged into gave me all this... My own glorious purpose. 'Cause the TVA is my life. And it's real because I believe it's real.
Loki (about a jet ski magazine): Why do you have that?
Mobius: Because they're awesome.
Loki: I suppose they are.
Mobius: Yeah. You know, some things... Actually, most things in history are kinda dumb, and everything gets ruined eventually. But... in the early 1990s, for a brief, shining moment, there was a beautiful union of form and function, which we call the jet ski, and a reasonable man cannot differ.
Loki: You ever been on one?
Mobius: No... No. I think a TVA agent showing up on a jet ski on the Sacred Timeline, that would create a branch for sure.
Loki: It'd be fun, though.
Mobius: Yeah, it'd be really fun.
Loki: You remind me of them. The Time Variance Authority and the gods of Asgard, one and the same. Drunk with power, blinded to the truth. Those you underestimate will devour you. You underestimate me, just as you underestimate this lesser Loki. Which is why, you walk into one wolf's mouth after another.
Loki: We have a saying in Asgard, "Where there are wolf's ears, wolf's teeth are near." It means to be aware of your surroundings. Which is absurd, because my people are, by nature, gullible fools. A trait that I, the God of Mischief, exploited time and time again simply by listening. My teeth were sharp, but my ears even sharper.
Mobius: Did you watch any of the training videos you were supposed to?
Loki: Well, as many as I could stand. Your TVA propaganda is exhausting.
TVA Soldier: And what do these do?
Loki: Reset charges prune the affected radius of a branched timeline, allowing time to heal all its wounds. Which sounds like a nice way of saying disintegrate everything in its vicinity.
Mobius: He's on it.
Loki: I watched the videos. I mean, some of them.