Haunted Mansion (2023) Quotes

Bruce Davis: Did he look human?

Ben Matthias: Sort of. He carried his head inside a hatbox.

Kent: What part of that is “sort of”?

(Madame Leota talking from a crystal ball…)

Madame Leota: I can show you, but it will cost you… three dollars.

Kent: We’re the Dream team, that’s the nickname.

Ben Matthias: Um, I’m pretty sure that’t taken.

(Harriet is getting ready to communicate with the dead…)

Harriet: Just to confirm… The only thing available to us is this French vanilla Yankee Candle?

Gabbie: Yeah, I keep forgetting to cancel my subscription to Amazon so…

Kent: God, give us a break. We don’t want to be haunted. It just seems there’s so many bad people in the world, haunt them! How about and “Amen” at the count of three, one, two, three, Amen.

Harriet: Amen.

Travis (to Gabbie): Are you sure he’s a priest?

(Ghosts are approaching Kent…)

Kent: You’re not that scary, you’re really not. (one ghost shows up his tricks) You’re pretty terrifying. Can you turn around just while I finish this? (the ghost points at himself and turns around) Thank you.

Harriet: Other more powerful entities may come through.

Kent: Not on our watch.

Ben Matthias: Well, what are you gonna do? (Ken takes out an axe) Seriously?

Kent: Yeah.

Harriet: They’re already dead.

Kent: They’re gonna be deader.

Harriet: People… used to… eat here.

Kent: I told you, she’s good.

Ben Matthias: No, it’s a dining room.

Kent: This mansion is unhinged. She needs all the help she can get. You wanna be a hero?

Ben Matthias: Pass.

Kent: Two thousand dollars.

Ben Matthias: What’s the address?

Gabbie: I know this place isn’t as… warm as I’d hoped. But I’m going to light a vanilla candle, and it’s gonna be a game changer.

Travis: Will it, though?

(They see a ghost…)

Gabbie: We’re out.