Simon Spier Quotes

Nick Eisner: You're not into Abby, are you?

Simon Spier: No, no, no. I mean, it's not like I... She's cute... but she's just not really my type. Not because she's black. I love black women. Not like, you know, I have a thing for black women, I just love all women.

Martin Addison: This is where the magic happens.

Simon Spier: Wow.

Martin Addison: Ooh. Correction. This is where the magic happens. (points to his sets of magic props) I've been dabbling in close-up illusions. Does Abby like magic?

Simon Spier: No. Martin, I don't think she does like magic. But, um, there's a really thin line between laughing with someone, and laughing at someone. And you are that line.

Emily Spier: You guys are so repressed.

Simon Spier: Don't therapize us, okay? We are not your patients. We're your family.

Emily Spier: That's true. If you were my patients, you'd be much more well-adjusted.

Jack Spier: Oh. Nice therapy burn, baby.

Emily Spier: Thank you.

Simon Spier (to a guy with a leaf blower): Hey! Morning! It's Simon! I live right here! I like your boots! Okay, bye!