Peter III Quotes

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Joanna (to Catherine): Is he still talking? You could've at least cut out his tongue if you weren't going to kill him.

Peter: Oh, she likes my f**king tongue!

Peter: We wait until we hear frenzied chanting and protest, and then ideally, Arkady gets a mob to break down the doors and bear me into the palace, and in a wave, we move through, gathering force, killing if we must, and finally, she will see she needs to acquiesce.

Grigor: And then you kill her.

Peter: Imprisoned until Paul is born.

Grigor: You're a good dad.

Peter (to Catherine): Would we not be happier if you just gave in to your savage longing and admitted your love for me wholeheartedly instead of clitty bitty?

Peter: Generals need to be fighting someone. You do not give them someone to fight, they'll fight you.

Grigor: That's very pithy.

Peter: Mm. I'm writing new sayings down all the time. And you thought I wasn't on my game, Grigor.

Peter: What is your topic of concern?

Catherine: The events following the party.

Peter: Hm. The fight between Bulkov and Yakov where Yakov bit Bulkov's nut sack off?

Catherine: No.

Catherine: Here's to many more parties like this, because I am your Empress, whom you love and think is very fun.

Peter: Uh, but not as fun as me. Because I am known for being fun.

Catherine: Indeed, you are not known for much else.

Peter: In God's eyes, I am still the chosen.

Catherine: God cares for his people, so chose again.

(Peter throws darts at guards having apples on their heads, he misses and the dart ends up in guard's chest)

Peter: Well, if you flinch, it's going to screw up the trajectory! That one's your fault.

Guard: Apologies.

Peter (about pregnancy): It must be strange, a human creature inside you. Do you ever think, "What if he has a knife?" Hmm?

Catherine: I never do.

(Peter reads his speech to Catherine after the coronation...)

Peter: It is a strange thing to hand your crown to another, and yet I feel a peace in my heart knowing I'm handing it to one I love, the one I love who loves our great nation, despite being German. I have seen up close her wiseness and fierceness, and her naked body as it shimmers and glows like God put the sun inside her. I have also been inside her and we have made a Paul together and thus the future of Russia is assured. Give her your fear as you gave it me. F**k with her, you f**k with me.

Catherine: Strangely touching.

(At the coronation...)

Archie: I bless Catherine the Great, for she is our new...

Peter: You're calling yourself "The Great"?

Catherine: Of course.

Peter: It seems... arrogant.

Catherine: It is if you are not great. If you are, it is just calling things what they are.

Peter: If there's one thing you didn't like about me... a tiny aspect, and there may not be, probably there isn't, but if there is one thing I could change about my relatively flawless self, what would it be?

Catherine: Your mercurial violence.

Peter: Really? Huh. Father always thought that my best quality.

Catherine: Really?

Peter: Yeah. He'd say, "There's not much going on in there, but give him a knife and light his wick, the boy has something."

Peter: You sure you want to run Russia? You're a little slow on the strategy front.

Catherine: And yet you are abdicating.

Peter: Toosh. Eh. I always forget the "eh."

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