Mary Watson (from the tape): John Watson never accepts help. Not from anyone, not ever. But here’s the thing, he never refuses it. You can’t save John, because he won’t let you. He won’t allow himself to be saved. The only way to save John is to make him save you. If he thinks you need him, I swear… And off he… pop… he will be there.
John Watson: The last person you’d think of. I want you to be examined by Molly Hooper. Do you hear me? I said Molly Hooper.
Sherlock Holmes: You’re really not going to like this.
John Watson: Like what?
Molly Hooper: Um, hello. Is, er… I’m sorry, Sherlock asked me to come.
John Watson: What, two weeks ago?
Molly Hooper: Yeah, about two weeks.
Sherlock Holmes: If you’d like to know how I predict the future…
Mary Watson: Every movement I made was entirely random, every new personality just on the roll of a dice!
Sherlock Holmes: Mary, no human action is ever truly random. An advanced grasp of the mathematics of probability, mapped onto a thorough apprehension of human psychology and the known dispositions of any given individual, can reduce the number of variables considerably. I myself know of at least 58 techniques to refine a seemingly infinite array of randomly generated possibilities down to the smallest number of feasible variables. But they’re really difficult, so instead I just stuck a tracer on the inside of the memory stick.
Mary Watson: Oh, you bastard! You bastard!
Sherlock Holmes: I know, but your face!
Mary Watson: “The mathematics of probability”?
Sherlock Holmes: You believed that.
Mary Watson: “Feasible variables”?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, I started to run out about then.
Passanger: Did you have a nice time in London?
Mary Watson (in disguise): It was OK, I guess. But did somebody hide the sun? Did you lose it in the war?
Mary Watson: You should have seen the state of the front room. It was like The Exorcist.
John Watson: Huh. Was Rosie’s head spinning round?
Mary Watson: No. Just the projectile vomiting.
John Watson: Nice!
Mary Watson: Now, you think we’d have noticed, when she was born.
John Watson: Hmm? Noticed what?
Mary Watson: The little 666 on her forehead.
John Watson: Hmm, that’s The Omen.
Mary Watson: So?
John Watson: Well, you said it was like The Exorcist. They’re two different things. She can’t be the devil and the Antichrist.
Mary Watson: Yeah, can’t she?
Sherlock Holmes (about Toby, the dog): Keep up, he’s fast.
John Watson: He’s not moving.
Sherlock Holmes: He’s thinking.
John Watson: He’s really not moving.
Sherlock Holmes: Slow but sure, John, not dissimilar to yourself.
John Watson: You just like this dog, don’t you?
Sherlock Holmes: Well, I like you.
Mary Watson: He’s still not moving.
Sherlock Holmes: Fascinating.
Mary Watson: Oh!
John Watson: Hang on, Mary’s better than me?
Sherlock Holmes: Well, she is a retired super-agent with a terrifying skill-set. Of course she’s better.
John Watson: Yeah, OK.
Sherlock Holmes: Nothing personal.
John Watson: What, so I’m supposed to just go home now, am I?
Mary Watson: What do you think, Sherlock? Shall we take him with us?
Sherlock Holmes: John or the dog?
John Watson: Ha-ha, that’s funny!
Mary Watson: John.
Sherlock Holmes: Well…
Mary Watson: He’s handy and loyal.
John Watson: That’s hilarious. Is it too early for a divorce?
Mary Watson (about a case): And what are you going to call this one?
John Watson: Oh, the Ghost Driver.
Sherlock Holmes: Don’t give it a title.
John Watson: People like the titles.
Sherlock Holmes: They hate the titles.
John Watson: Give the people what they want.
Sherlock Holmes: No, never do that – people are stupid.