Davos Seaworth: I may not know the North, but I know men. They're more or less the same in any corner of the world and even the bravest of them don't want to see their wives and children skinned for a lost cause. If Jon's going to convince them to fight alongside him, they need to believe it's a fight they can win.
Shireen Baratheon: "The Dance of Dragons: A True Telling" by Grand Maester Munkun.
Davos Seaworth: Now that sounds like a proper story.
Shireen Baratheon: Ser Byron Swann wanted to kill the dragon Vhagar. He polished his shield for a week so that it was like a mirror. And he crouched behind it and crept forward, hoping the dragon would only see its own reflection.
Davos Seaworth: But the dragon saw a dumb man holding a mirrored shield.
Shireen Baratheon: And burnt him to a crisp.
Davos Seaworth: Thus ending the dragon-slaying career of Ser Byron Swann.
Davos Seaworth: Shield that guards the realms of men. That's what you swore to be. Now I'm not a learned man, the best way of help the most people might not be sitting in a frozen castle at the edge of the world. It just might mean wading in the muck, getting your boots dirty and doing what needs to be done.
Jon Snow: And what needs to be done?
Davos Seaworth: As long as the Boltons rule the North, the North will suffer.
Salladhor Saan: The lookout sees a pirate ship sailing their way. The captain shouts to his first mate, "Bring me my red shirt." The first mate brings the red shirt and the captain puts it on. And when the pirates try to board, the brave captain leads his men to victory. A few days later, the lookout screams, "Two pirate ships!" The crew is shivering like scared mice. But the courageous captain hollers, "Bring me my red shirt!" After the battle, the first mate asks, "Captain, why do you call for your red shirt before battle?" The captain replies, "So that if I am stabbed, you will not see me bleed." The next morning the lookout screams, "10 pirate ships! We are surrounded!" The crew goes silent. They all look to their brave captain, waiting for his usual command. Calm as ever, the captain bellows...
Whores: "Bring me my brown pants!"
Davos Seaworth: You think they ever met a pirate who didn't tell them that joke?