Trixie Espinoza: Remember last week, I told you that boy Noah kept throwing French fries at me at lunchtime?
Chloe Decker: Mm-hmm.
Trixie Espinoza: And you said it actually might mean he likes me?
Chloe Decker: Yes.
Trixie Espinoza: Well, since you shot Lucifer, it must mean you really like him.
Lucifer Morningstar: Just shoot me, Detective! Please! Because maybe you'll finally realize...
(Chloe shoots Lucifer)
Lucifer Morningstar: Good for you! See? Hardly hurts.
Chloe Decker: I can't believe...
Lucifer Morningstar: Gah. Actually, no, it's hurting a little bit. It's... Gah! It's hurting a lot. Son of a bitch, that really hurts! I'm bleeding.
Chloe Decker: You're bleeding.
Lucifer Morningstar: I'm bleeding.
Chloe Decker: Oh, crap, of course you're bleeding. God, what have I done?
Lucifer Morningstar: I'm afraid I can't offer anything obvious like a tail as proof.
Chloe Decker: And so no horns.
Lucifer Morningstar: No, afraid not. That's the stuff of movies and TV.
Chloe Decker: Mm-hmm.
Lucifer Morningstar: They always get it wrong.
Chloe Decker: But that's it? Like, a bullet just bounces off you?
Lucifer Morningstar: Well, there's no wound or blood, if that's what you mean. Can verify with something sharp if you like.
Chloe Decker: No, it's not necessary. It's tempting though.
Chloe Decker: Where did you get this dress anyhow?
Lucifer Morningstar: Oh, it was left behind by one of my overnight guests.
Chloe Decker: What was she wearing when she left?
Lucifer Morningstar: A smile.
Chloe Decker: Mm. If I get an STD from this thing, I'm gonna kill you.
Chloe Decker: Wait, you and I... well, there is no you and I. There's a professional situation, and I just need you...
Lucifer Morningstar: See, you need me.
Chloe Decker: The department needs you, because you're the one...
Lucifer Morningstar: I'm the one?
Chloe Decker: On the list for the Player thing.
Chloe Decker: Finally, some rain. Maybe someone up there is looking out for us.
Lucifer Morningstar: I can assure you, He’s in no way meteorologically inclined. Apart from the whole Noah thing, and that was a one-off.
Chloe Decker: You step out of line one time…
Lucifer Morningstar: You can give me a right-good spanking, I promise.
(Chloe shows Trixie the movie she stared in)
Trixie Espinoza: I’ve seen this before, Mommy.
Chloe Decker: You have? Where?
Trixie Espinoza: I have the Internet.
Chloe Decker: Oh, right.
Trixie Espinoza: This isn’t even in HD.
Chloe Decker: Mm. Hmm. Well, what’d you think?
Trixie Espinoza: I thought it’s hilarious!
Chloe Decker: Was this some staged thing to get a confession out of Josh?
Lucifer Morningstar: That’s probably more plausible to you than my angelic brother slowing time while I pluck a bullet out of thin air, isn’t it?
Chloe Decker: Are you coming or what?
Lucifer Morningstar: Oh, sorry, I thought this was the part where you leave me behind and say something like, “Lucifer, stay. Good devil.”
Trixie Espinoza: Are you looking at a no-no site?
Chloe Decker: No. Why would you think that?
Trixie Espinoza: Because you put it away so fast, and you look really, really guilty.
Chloe Decker: You brought pot to a crime scene?
Lucifer Morningstar: I most certainly did not. I found it here.
Chloe Decker: You smoked evidence? So our only evidence is currently in your lungs?
Lucifer Morningstar: Uh, you really wanted to say “up in smoke” then, didn’t you?