10+ Best 'Carl Gallagher' Quotes

(Frank wakes up after his liver transplant surgery...)

Sheila Jackson: He's awake! Just like I told you.

Doctor: This is good news. A lot sooner than expected.

Carl Gallagher: He thinks we're different people. You screwed his brain on backwards.

20.4.2021 You screwed his brain on backwards.

Carl Gallagher: You love Mickey?

Ian Gallagher: I like how he smells.

(Mickey comes out of the room...)

Mickey Milkovich: What you asking stupid f**king questions for?

Carl Gallagher: You were nicer when you were asleep.

20.4.2021 You love Mickey? – I like how he smells.

Teacher: So what have we learned?

Carl Gallagher: Bullying is bad for society. It hurts people and makes them feel bad. It must be stopped.

Teacher: Very good. (leaves)

(Carl sees a kid walking down the hallway...)

Carl Gallagher: Forgot my lunch. Give me money. Give me money, chihuahua. Come on, give me money.

20.4.2021 What have we learned? – Bullying is bad for society.

(Frank is called into school, because Carl is bullying other students...)

Frank Gallagher: Bullying is a vital part of every ecosystem. It teaches kids resilience. The world is a rough place. Bullying is like getting inoculated. It's a vaccine. And you little sh*ts, you got to learn to stay away from people like my son. That's what you learn when you get punched in the face by a bully. How do you think Steve Jobs turned out so great? Bullies. And I guarantee Junior here will be getting the hottest chicks when he's 30 because he got bullied today. You want your kid to peak now? My kid will be picking up roadside garbage in an orange jumpsuit in ten years. Your kid will be in med school curing cancer and getting laid. You're welcome.

Carl Gallagher: What if I want to cure cancer?

Frank Gallagher: Be lucky you don't get gonorrhea from your cell mate. Spoken with love, son.

20.4.2021 Bullying is a vital part of every ecosystem.

(Ian tells a story how he tried to steal a helicopter...)

Carl Gallagher: You shoot anyone?

Ian Gallagher: I never left basic.

Carl Gallagher: You can't shoot anyone there?

Ian Gallagher: You can. I didn't.

Carl Gallagher: You shot no one. You flew nothing. Why'd you even go there in the first place?

Ian Gallagher: Relationship issues.

20.4.2021 You shot no one. You flew nothing.

Lip Gallagher: Hey, you guys heard anything from Ian?

Debbie Gallagher: Not for weeks. And Fiona doesn't even care.

Lip Gallagher: What about the U.S. Army? You hear anything from them?

(Flashback from not too long ago...)

Sergeant Benz: We're looking for Phillip Gallagher.

Carl Gallagher: He's at college. (slams the door)

(Back a present time...)

Carl Gallagher: No.

20.4.2021 You guys heard anything from Ian?

Carl Gallagher: Who beat you up again?

Ian Gallagher: No one. It's ROTC, practicing hand-to-hand.

Carl Gallagher: Marines still fight with their fists?

Ian Gallagher: In certain situations, yes.

Carl Gallagher: Then what's the point of building nukes?

Fiona Gallagher: Gross national product.

20.4.2021 What’s the point of building nukes? – Gross national product.

Quote from Shameless 3x08 | Veronica Fisher: Who's that puking on his Timberlands? Carl Gallagher: Cousin Patrick. He's got nausea, shortness of breath, blood in urine, severe illness, and death. Veronica Fisher: What the hell are you reading? Carl Gallagher: Rat poison.

20.4.2021 What the hell are you reading? – Rat poison.

Carl Gallagher: Why would a dude put his p*nis in another dude's mouth?

Frank Gallagher: Well, sometimes men discover things about themselves like they prefer male genitalia to female genitalia.

Carl Gallagher: Wait. So some guys like to lick wieners?

Frank Gallagher: Well, I'm sure at first they're attracted to each other's build. And once a connection gets made, then the wieners get licked.

20.4.2021 Once connection gets made, the wieners get licked.

Carl Gallagher: Dad?

Frank Gallagher: Yeah?

Carl Gallagher: What's this? (holds up a sex toy)

Frank Gallagher: Uh, that's a pacifier for your an*s.

20.4.2021 What’s this? – That’s a pacifier for your an*s.

Carl Gallagher: We've been at this camp for a whole day without seeing the lake. I've never seen a lake before.

Hanley: Not even Lake Michigan?

Carl Gallagher: Where's that?

20.4.2021 I’ve never seen a lake before. – Not even Lake Michigan?

Debbie Gallagher (singing):

I will burn for you

feel pain for you

I will twist the knife

and bleed my aching heart.

Lip Gallagher: What's up with Debs?

Carl Gallagher: Obsessed with death.

6.12.2020 What’s up with Debs? – Obsessed with death.

Quote from Shameless 1x06 | Fiona Gallagher: Carl, we're serious. The stakes are really, really high. We love you, and we need you in this family. In this house. You need to stop biting and punching and hurting people. Carl Gallagher: Well, how else do I make them cry? Lip Gallagher: Gossip and slander. Steve: You know, when I get really angry, I usually just count to ten. Lip Gallagher: Hey, little man, tell you what we're gonna do. We're gonna get you some pads and some skates. Get you out on the ice. You can take your frustrations out with a hockey stick. Ian Gallagher: Yeah. You can come to karate with me. Remember when I broke Kyle Boozlee's leg? It took three pins to put it back together, huh? Debbie Gallagher: You can't beat karate when it comes to regulated, sanctioned violence for children.

6.12.2020 How else do I make them cry? Gossip and slander.

Carl Gallagher Quotes

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Character from Shameless