Amy Farrah Fowler: Who's Tam?
Sheldon Cooper: He was my best friend in the whole world growing up.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Really? Why have I never heard you mention him before?
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, of course I have. I'm sure I've mentioned him, like, five times this week.
Amy Farrah Fowler: I don't think you have.
Sheldon Cooper: Tam! Tam! Tam! Tam! Tam! There, it's only Thursday.
Amy Farrah Fowler: I didn't just drink the crazy milk, I bought the crazy cow.
Amy Farrah Fowler: What the hell, Penny?!
Penny Hofstadter: I'm gonna need more than that.
Amy Farrah Fowler: You're not having kids? How could you do this to me?
Penny Hofstadter: How is it any of your business?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Because your kids were supposed to be friends with my kids. Who's gonna be friends with them now?
Penny Hofstadter: They will find other friends.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh, sure, 'cause Sheldon's DNA plus my DNA equals a kid who knows how to make friends. Grow up!
Mark Hammil: Amy, do you take Sheldon for your lawful wedded husband?
Amy Farrah Fowler: I do.
Mark Hammil: And, Sheldon, same thing.
Sheldon Cooper: I do.
Mark Hammil: Then by the power vested in me by EvenYouCanPerformWeddings.com... I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.
Sheldon Cooper: Leonard. That's Mark Ha-Ha-Ha... It's-it's Mark Hami-Ha-Ha...
Leonard Hofstadter: Yep. Thank Wolowitz. He set it up.
Mark Hammil: Congratulations on your wedding.
Sheldon Cooper: Thank you. When this is over, I have 4,000 things for you to sign.
Amy Farrah Fowler: I-I thought Wil was marrying us.
Sheldon Cooper: Wolowitz got us an upgrade.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Another sci-fi guy with a beard. Seems lateral, but okay.
Amy Farrah Fowler: So are you feeling okay? No wedding jitters?
Sheldon Cooper: No. There is nothing in the world that would stop me from marrying you tomorrow, even me from the future coming back to prevent the wedding and the subsequent birth of a child who will destroy humanity.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Because if you came from the future, that would mean you already went through with the wedding because you believe that time travel is on a closed loop.
Sheldon Cooper: I love you so damn much.
Amy Farrah Fowler: I think it's more like, uh, like Lord of the Rings, and you're the Fellowship. Uh, someone's got to go to Gondor, someone's got to go to Mordor, someone's got to hold off the demon of shadow and flame.
Leonard Hofstadter: You mean the Balrog?
Amy Farrah Fowler: I mean my mother.
Sheldon Cooper: That is a perfect metaphor, Amy.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Thank you.
Sheldon Cooper: Because it also involves a ring that binds me in servitude forever.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Aw, he said forever.
Amy Farrah Fowler: You didn't invite your brother to your own wedding?
Sheldon Cooper: He tormented me my whole childhood. I don't think I should reward that type of behavior with a slice of wedding cake in the shape of the Millennium Falcon.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Try again.
Sheldon Cooper: A slice of wedding cake in the shape of a cake.
(Penny and Amy are going through wedding magazines)
Amy Farrah Fowler: It's just so hard to tell what will look good on me.
Penny Hofstadter: No. This is just to give you ideas. You know, do-do you want something simple and elegant? I mean, do you want a train?
Sheldon Cooper: Ooh, we're talking about trains.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Not the kind of trains you like.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, I like all kinds of trains... steam, diesel, coal, elevated, bullet. I defy you to name a train that I don't like.
Penny Hofstadter: The kind on the back of a wedding dress?
Sheldon Cooper: I did not see that coming. Good job.
Sheldon Cooper: I suppose it is time I passed this on to Leonard.
Penny Hofstadter: Thank you.
Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, thanks. I-I know that's hard for you.
Sheldon Cooper: Well, it was. But you know what? Instead of being in charge, I can now be the vocal opposition, criticizing and badgering the president at every turn.
Amy Farrah Fowler: I think you'll be really good at that.
Sheldon Cooper: Me, too.
Leonard Hofstadter: I think I've made a huge mistake.
Penny Hofstadter: Me, too.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, it's the American way, the peaceful transfer of power.
Sheldon Cooper: I don't know.
Leonard Hofstadter: Think about Ant-Man.
Sheldon Cooper: I'm always thinking about Ant-Man.
Leonard Hofstadter: Michael Douglas had the suit and then he passed it on to Paul Rudd.
Sheldon Cooper: Maybe you're right.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Really? The Ant-Man thing? That's what won you over?
Sheldon Cooper: Yes. He got the details right. That's how you use a superhero.
Amy Farrah Fowler: I vote for Leonard!
Sheldon Cooper: You... What?
Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm sorry, Sheldon. With minimal power comes minimal responsibility, and you couldn't handle it.
Sheldon Cooper: Don't you misquote Spider-Man to me.