Adrian Mallory Quotes

Hildy: Have a good time in Denver, General. Just know it may not be as great as you remember.

Mark Naird: Thank you, Hildy. Expectations managed.

Adrian Mallory: Uh, people certainly seem invested in your fake trip.

Mark Naird: They care about the old man because they know the old man cares about them.

Adrian Mallory: Mm-hmm.

Mark Naird: Any problems, Brad'll take care of them.

Dr. Vandeveld: General, if I may offer some advice. Downtown Denver will always be there. Why not spend some time getting to know the other parts of the city? That way, when you do go "downtown," it will be that much more special. Yes? Okay. Happy travels.

Adrian Mallory: I believe your code may have been cracked.

Mark Naird: Yeah. No sh*t.

Bobby: General, let me say I am very sorry for canceled sex visit with your convict wife.

Mark Naird: How do you know about that?

Bobby: From observation. The way you walk. Wait... you think I'm spy?

Adrian Mallory: The thought has crossed our minds, yeah.

Bobby: Please, my phone doesn't stop ringing. Like, "Yuri, why does India have Pegasus and not Russia? What are we paying you for?" "Mr. President, Father, I am sorry." You see? Our interests, the same. Let Bobby help you.

Kick Grabaston: We're going to eat your guts, Nerd, and wipe our a$$es with your skin.

Mark Naird: Oh, really? We're gonna eat your guts and wipe your asses with our skin. (to Mallory): So the game of mental chess has begun.

Adrian Mallory: Hungry Hungry Hippos at best.

(Naird is on the phone with Mallory, all spacemen can hear it...)

Mark Naird: Which will give us the biggest edge?

Adrian Mallory: I'd go with Lockheed.

Mark Naird: Lockheed! Good!

Adrian Mallory: Both are only designed to get the spacesuits back to base after an astronaut is killed. Spacesuits cost millions. Spacemen, rather less.

Mark Naird: All right. Roger that. Over and out. (tries to end the call)

Adrian Mallory: Neither is designed to save the men. The systems are...

Mark Naird: What am I doing?

Adrian Mallory: ...basically high-tech body bags. But the military's ritual slaughter...

Chan Kaifang: It's the one... (helps Naird end the call)

Mark Naird: Oh, there we go. Okay. Phones.

Mark Naird: So what's the problem?

Adrian Mallory: Three spacemen and a civilian sculptor.

Mark Naird: Jesus. A sculptor? Why?

Adrian Mallory: The personality dynamics are the subject of the experiment. The sculptor's humane creativity is meant to balance the rationality of the astronauts, but now, one week left, one of them has gone...

Mark Naird: Don't say AWOL.

Adrian Mallory: Mad.

Mark Naird: Thank God.

Mark Naird: That reminds me. Keep quiet in there, unless I give you a signal.

Adrian Mallory: Did we agree on a signal? I don't think so. How about, "Dr. Mallory will now explain how man and his barbaric nature will destroy space, as he has the Earth."

Mark Naird: Too wordy. I'll just tap on the table twice with a pencil.

Chan Kaifang: This launched two months ago. On board: assault rifles, ten. Assault rifles?

Adrian Mallory: This was not a scientifically useful mission, guys. I kept it from you.

Mark Naird: It was a very successful mission, ordered by POTUS himself, which proved that assault rifles will work in the vacuum of space.

Adrian Mallory: Which was never in doubt. But now the Manchester Arms Company can advertise the R-9 as the official Space Force gun for committing mass shootings on the moon.