100+ Best 'Sheldon Cooper' Quotes

Pastor Jeff: For so many months, our little parish has been struggling financially. But by the grace of God and his provision, we have received the most donations in church history! Praise Jesus!

Sheldon Cooper: So it's all Jesus, we don't get any credit?

Missy Cooper: We need to start our own church.

Sheldon Cooper: They don't pay taxes. It's a very sound business model.

Mayor Harrison: This is Mayor Harrison. I understand you are running for office.

Sheldon Cooper: Class president. Do you have any advice on how to win?

Mayor Harrison: The most important thing is to get out there and connect with people.

Sheldon Cooper: That's tricky. I'm not terribly fond of people.

Mayor Harrison: Well, you might need to get over that.

Sheldon Cooper: Assuming I can, how do I connect with them?

Mayor Harrison: A friendly handshake is a great start.

Sheldon Cooper: Oh, boy. Now I have to touch them?

Sheldon Cooper (narration): The prospect of advancing to the next stage of academia had me feeling giddy. And, on top of that, I got to pack a suitcase, which is like playing Tetris but with underwear.

Sheldon Cooper: Why can't I go there full-time?

Mary Cooper: Oh, baby, it's an hour away. We can't drive you back and forth every day.

Meemaw: I'm the one who's been driving him.

Sheldon Cooper: And she loves it.

Meemaw: How can he be so smart and so clueless at the same time?

(George brings Sheldon to make interview on Local News...)

George Cooper Sr.: He's not a communist. He's ten years old. Listen, I fought for this country. I love this country. My kids love this country. Isn't that right, Sheldon?

Sheldon Cooper: Yes. Although, in all fairness, the Social Security system is a form of...

George Cooper Sr.: You love this country!

Sheldon Cooper: I love this country.

Tam Nguyen: Look, you made my mom's note. (hands it to Sheldon)

Sheldon Cooper: "Don't talk to Sheldon. Mom." That's fine. I usually do most of the talking.

Tam Nguyen: Yes, you do.

Quote from Young Sheldon 2x14 | Georgie Cooper: What? Are you crazy? Sheldon Cooper: Nope, Mom had me tested.

Missy Cooper: I actually missed you.

Meemaw: Ain't that nice?

Sheldon Cooper: What about me did you miss?

Missy Cooper: I don't know.

Sheldon Cooper: Well, think about it and get back to me.

Georgie Cooper (to Missy): Ha, he gave you homework.

Sheldon Cooper: I can't sleep.

Nurse: Did you try counting sheep?

Sheldon Cooper: Oh, no, I'm afraid of farm animals.

Nurse: Of course you are. Well, I don't know what I can do for you.

Sheldon Cooper: Do you know the "Soft Kitty" song?

Nurse: No.

Sheldon Cooper: I'll teach it to you. Get a notepad.

Sheldon Cooper (narration): Throughout my high school career, Nurse Nora and I had been through quite a few close calls...

Nurse Nora: This is just a blister.

Sheldon Cooper: Are you sure?

Nurse Nora: Sheldon, I promise you don't have leprosy.

Sheldon Cooper: Ooh, that's bright.

Nurse Nora: Proving you don't have hysterical blindness.

Sheldon Cooper: Well, can you test for just hysterical?

Nurse Nora: Oh. Looks like you bit your cheek.

Sheldon Cooper: How do you know it's not scurvy?

Nurse Nora: Because you're not a pirate. So, we've got a tummyache?

Sheldon Cooper: Yes. I'm afraid it might be cholera.

Nurse Nora: Again?

Sheldon Cooper: I have one of the symptoms.

Nurse Nora: Okay, on a scale of one to ten, what's your pain level?

Sheldon Cooper: Three... point four seven.

Nurse Nora: That's pretty serious. But since you're at a 3.47, I'm gonna give you the strongest medication I'm allowed to give you.

(Gives him anti-tummyache gummy bears)

Sheldon Cooper: You're an angel of mercy, Nurse Nora. Ooh, cherry.

Quote from Young Sheldon 2x10 | Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me, I was hoping to purchase some practical joke paraphernalia so that I may behave childishly. Shop assistant: Rack in the corner. Sheldon Cooper: Thank you. (reads a product ad) "If it's funny, it's a Bazinga." Interesting.

Paige: Sheldon, it's just a fun scary story.

Sheldon Cooper: It's nonsense is what it is.

Missy Cooper: Old man.

Sheldon Cooper: I'm not an old man, I'm ten.

Missy Cooper: More like 110.

Paige: You know, I read that adults who had a stunted childhood often become social misfits and weirdos.

Sheldon Cooper: You didn't read that, you're making it up like your goat story.

Paige: Psychology Magazine, February issue, 1988.

Sheldon Cooper: Well, um... That doesn't make it true.

Paige: Guess you'll find out when you're an adult.

Sheldon Cooper: I guess I will.

Sheldon Cooper (narration): Well, we know how this story ends. I grew up to become a well-adjusted and charming fellow. But at that moment in time, she had me worried.

Sheldon Cooper: Are you going to talk the whole time?

Missy Cooper: It seems to be annoying you, so, yeah.

(Little Sheldon finishes his first video game...)

Sheldon Cooper (narration): Since that night, I've battled orcs, zombies, Na*zis, Na*zi-zombies, a dinosaur in a go-kart, and played Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" on a stringless, plastic guitar. But nothing would ever compare to that first quest with my meemaw. Although Leonard pulling a groin muscle doing Dance Dance Revolution was a close second.

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