Quotes | Scattered Quotes

Scattered Quotes


Ross Geller: How come it says, "Property of Human Services" on his butt? Come here. Come here.

Chandler Bing: Stay back! I've got kiwi! Run, Joey, run!


Ross Geller: How about the time I cut the legs off your Malibu Ken?

Monica Geller: That was you?

Ross Geller: They were infected. He wouldn't have made it.


Ross Geller: Remember when I stuck that broom in your bike spokes and you flipped over and hit your head on the curb?

Monica Geller: No... But I remember people telling me about it.


Chandler Bing: Please tell me you know which one is our baby.

Joey Tribbiani: Well, that one has ducks on his T-shirt and this one has clowns. And Ben was definitely wearing ducks. Or clowns. Oh, oh wait! That one's Ben! Remember he had that cute little mole by his mouth!

Chandler Bing: Yeah? Hey, Ben! Remember us? Okay, the mole came off.


Chandler Bing (on the phone): I'm doing research for a book and I was wondering what somebody might do if they left a baby on a city bus. Yes, I do realize that would be very stupid character.

Joey Tribbiani: Hi, here's the deal: We lost a car seat on a bus today. It's white plastic with a handle and it fits onto a stroller. Oh, and there was a baby in it. He wants to talk to you again.


Ross Geller (to Monica): I'm not getting a shot. Maybe they can take the needle... and squirt it into my mouth. Like a squirt gun.


Woman (to Chandler and Joey): I think, it's great you guys are doing this.

Chandler Bing: Well, we are great guys.

Woman: You know, my brother and his boyfriend have been trying to adopt for three years. What agency did you two go through?


Monica Geller: Is your tongue swelling up?

Ross Geller: Either that or my mouth is getting smaller!


Ross Geller: So how’d it go? (talking about Monica breaking up with Alan)

Monica Geller: You know.

Phoebe Buffay: Did he mention us?

Monica Geller: He says he’s really gonna miss you guys.


Monica Geller: I’m really sorry. (about breaking up with him)

Alan: Yeah. I mean, I’m sorry too. But I gotta tell you, I’m a little relieved.

Monica Geller: Relieved?

Alan: Yeah, well… I mean, I had a great time with you. I just can’t stand your friends.


Paula: Listen, if that’s how you feel about the guy, Monica, dump him.

Monica Geller: I know, it’s just gonna be really hard.

Paula: Yeah, he’s a big boy. He’ll get over it.

Monica Geller: No, he’ll be fine. It’s the other five I’m worried about.


Rachel Green: I should really get back to work.

Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered.

Rachel Green: Oh. The hair comes out and the gloves come off.

(Phoebe’s flaw = chewing her hair)


Chandler Bing: So I have a flaw. (his flaw = smoking) Big deal. Like Joey’s constant knuckle-cracking isn’t annoying? And Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word. And Monica, with that snort when she laughs. I mean, what the hell is that thing? I accept all those flaws. Why can’t you accept me for this?


Ross Geller: A thumb? (in her soda can)

All five: Ew.

Phoebe Buffay: I know, I know. I opened it up and there it was… just floating in there, like this tiny little hitchhiker.

Chandler Bing: Maybe it’s a contest, you know’? Like “Collect all five.”


Phoebe Buffay: Hey, Lizzy.

Lizzy (homeless woman): Hey, Weird Girl.

Phoebe Buffay: I brought you alphabet soup.

Lizzy: Did you pick out the vowels?

Phoebe Buffay: Yes, but I left in the Y’s. Because, you know, “Sometimes Y.”


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